This is my third attempt at this post. Reflections. Sorta.
Somehow the words just don't seem to come out right.
Anyways the past four years in Nanyang... I can almost say it's been the best time of my life. We've all grown tremendously, and the friends, teachers and people I've met along the way... Thank God for all of you.
I give up trying to type thematically/chronologically. Whatever comes to mind.
SeniorsI think seniors undoubtably play this almost-divine, important role beyond comprehensible imagination. Juniors look upon seniors with this supreme awe, because seniors are the coolest people ever. Sometimes we become very conscious when the seniors are around, because that teeny bit of you will want to impress your senior that teeny bit. Along corridors, seniors are given superiority-ness according to the colour of the rectangular tag on their uniform. Or maybe even by the colour of their once-white uniform. Haha!
Seniors have been very inspiring in my four years of Nanyang life. I will never, ever forget my PSL in Sec 1. Her name was Peishi... I think. (Hee except the name.) Sub-consciously, I think a part of myself tried to model after her when I became a PSL. She was a very loud and rah-rah person. Made funny jokes and tickled our class pink when we all laughed at her. She cheered Nanyang cheers loudly and made funny noises as she went about breaking that deathly-silent ice on every Sec 1 class' first day at school. I hope that somehow, somewhat, I've been able to inspire my PSL classes too. 106'07, 111'08, 113'09... Maybe someday they'll look back and laugh at their has-been PSL and remember me too :) So, thank you, Peishi (I think that's your name :D) for inspiring others to inspire others (:
(Reflections on PSL later...)
Being in a UG, seniors have an altogether different meaning. Kinda. I remember being terribly terrified of my CLs and ACLs. Especially when we were in Sec 1. Woah, it's that kind of terrified when you turn and walk down the other way when you see your seniors along the school corridor. I... am still terrified of them. Some. But seniors are still so cool at the end of the day, you'd secretly watch them from afar and think how cool they are, haha! And then you'd think how good they are at turfing and firelighting, and how you'll wanna be like that one day. Seniors will always be a topic to talk about among batchmates. They're just cool lah. 8) Heeeeeeeeeeeeee. It's quite sad 'cos some of them never do come back and visit anymore, though. ): It'll be nice if we can see them again. Only the memories linger on, almost vaguely.
Seniors have been, and will still be, some sort of figure for us to model after. We always looked at the seniors in awe and wondered why they could be adept with the ropes and spars, changkul, footdrill, firelighting... It's strange to think how we've, over the years, become that figure for our juniors. Perspectives have shifted over time too; things tend to be viewed very, very differently. Perhaps we've all matured. Perhaps circumstances have changed. Perhaps everything has changed. It's a rite of passage that we've all gone through, and they will go through in time to come. Sometimes I'll step into my senior-perspective and try to imagine, albeit in avail, how I was like then. It's weird.
As a junior, you'll always wish for some sort of attention or recognition from your seniors. A hint to show that they know. As a senior now, the truth is, we
do know. And a lack of a public recognition or sorts simply does not equate to any neglection. At all. I remember I was quite sad in Sec 1 and 2, 'cos all my batchmates had the chance to take turns and take on I/C-ship of various things big and small, but I was kinda left out. I was like, "When is it ever going to be my turn? ): " It was quite weird. Truth is, seniors take into consideration all sorts of things. Taking over the company and making all sorts of decisions has taught our batch how to. Now I look back and reckon my seniors probably wanted to encourage the other people in my batch to step upfront and take on new challenges. They probably already saw me and decided that it was good to strengthen our batch as a whole. And it did. We all took turns to take initiative, when it came for volunteers and stuff. It's nice to grow as a batch and let different people take on different things at different time. What matters most is that I never stopped growing. Neither did my batchmates. We never did take a step back simply because our other batchmates took a step forward.
And that was the best form of recognition our seniors ever gave us.
To my junior(s), I hope you read and understand (: You will, as you grow. And all of you will grow.
Somehow, though, I think our batch has re-defined certain aspects as seniors. It's good and bad in a way. Greater good than bad, perhaps? Times are very different now and then, anyway. It's quite mind-blowing to think how much things have changed in a span of four years. When I was in Sec 1, heaven knows if my seniors ever had blogs. And back then, just 4 years ago, there was no Facebook. Friendster was still in rage. You see, the point here is that we never had this much access to our seniors' world. Juniors are reading my blog right now, they know when I'm sad, I'm high, I'm downright depressed, I'm freaking annoyed.. They know I can't do Math for nuts, I'm really just a silly nut at heart... You get the drift? Back then, the only impression we had of our CLs was the image they portrayed during CCA sessions. The strict, don't-mess-around, loud, fierce one. We never dared to venture much into their world. (Remember? I'd turn and walk the other way back down the corridor.) We only caught a few glances of our seniors' Graces photos (and were dang amazed). It's so different altogether now. Technology.
But I'd say it's quite nice. To have a platform to access and reach out to people you wouldn't in real life. Cyber networking, almost. We used to have to go to the Guide board and check the programme schedule every week, now we have our company blog, where we can tag and write nice stuff to encourage each other. And it sorta brings more life and a touch of vibrance. Which is totally cool. (: But sometimes limits are greyed. I honestly wish for more privacy on my blog, really. But because Blogger doesn't have the private posting function (as with private single posts in Livejournal and Wordpress) (or maybe it does but I don't know it exists), sometimes I end up not posting at all, 'cos it's just weird to have different groups of people reading some stuff. I wish I were more frank and upfront like Yanquan in blogging. I seriously admire her blogging spirit.
I think it all boils down to respect. As children, we need to be respectful of the adults/parents/teachers reading our blogs. As seniors, we need to be mindful of our juniors reading. As juniors, we need to be respectful of seniors who read. It's all a co-relation thing. Very complicated. But I'm totally cool with random people reading, my parents access my blog now and then too, and it's totally cool. The cyber world is open and anyone and everyone. I think it's good to be frank in a polite way. (:
Okay I get this feeling this post is very long already. Am typing in Blogger and I fail at estimating the length of my posts.
Off to bed. Hopefully my patience will last through my reflective mood. Hee (:
Adios.
