Anyways reason for hiatus was cos I was really feeling too awful/upset to blog, and it was really bad cos I didn't know how long I was going to stay depressed. Was telling Gladys about how I really wanted to blog to vent everything out, but how I prefer to keep things to myself, and end up having to smile like everything's alright.
But am okay already. Almost. Kinda. Talking to people helps. Sorry Mei, I think you weren't feeling very up when I was ranting to you just now. And you didn't know what to say. (Not like me right, always got a lot of things to say to you when you're down.) But the silence was what I needed. Thanks for being an outlet! You're a nice person to rant to. (:
Cried torrents just now.
"Mummy, are you in a good mood now?"
"Why?"
"Are you in a good mood now?"
"Just tell me lah."
"I haven't told you the full force of the devastation. I'll tell you now. You're in a good mood ah..."
"Your block tests ah?"
"I failed Math." *shows Math paper*
"Oh, I expected it."
*.___________.*
*looks at marks* "Aiyo but it's quite bad!"
Went on to tell Mom the rest of my results, and then I started depression-ing and mumbled a lot of rubbish. Really taboleh tahan, cry and cry and cry. First time in my life. My mom happily laughed and went, "You want to know how I did in my studies last time?" I didn't want to know actually, but she happily went over to get her file-full of old documents and flipped to her JC results slips, pointed at all the 'F's and 'O's and went, "SEEEEEEE I FAILED THIS! AND THIS! AIYO THIS ONE ALSO FAILED!" I ended up tearing and sniffing and smiling and laughing and snorting and crying.
She went on to tell me how studies are actually not everything, (but they are still important lah) and that we can actually move on in life even if we don't do well in our studies. I told her "I'm so stupid. ):" and then she happily chirped back, "You didn't study for some subjects, crash studied your Maths, and you passed most of your subjects, almost passed your Maths. You're a genius!" This is when the 成语 “哭笑不得” comes into place.
And anyways the most important thing she said was that we study so that we can become useful people and glorify God. and I think that made a lot of sense. I really need to work hard. Really. Am considering being a missionary in the future, honestly.
Aiyoh anyways this story sounds a bit boring, but I am so thankful for my mom. Sigh, she really is my mom afterall. It's so wonderful how I can talk to her about things, hug her when I'm sad, cry when I'm down. She knows me inside-out, outside-in, and she always knows the right things to say, the right things to do. Like give me tissue, leave me alone, cook maggi mee, make iced milo... Sigh, mummy (: She's the kind of mom I think I'll talk to when I have boyfriend problems next time. On a more reflective note, I need to stop taking her for granted, really.
Ay, this post is quite boring. Am a lot better now (: Still need to look for clear-cut direction, work out a plan and make it happen. Am aiming to realise some dreams/envisions/grandplans by the end of the year too. And I need better sleep. It is driving me insane.
I think Mr Khoo doesn't like me. Sigh, I really want to do well in Math, but I really just can't do anything about it. Practise? Easier said than done! I've been handing in homework late all the time, failing quiz after quiz, and now, the block test. I hate disappointing people! ): Urgh. But howwwwwwwwwwww?
Am bored. Am off to finish up LA presentation. Looking forward to CSM next week, will be meeting people! On a sidenote, PGA interview next week. I'm really praying that we'll all get through. A part of me feels like I'll get slashed out though. GOBO10 must slog it out this coming week to prepare together man. Thank God for friends like batchmates who keep me alive and kickin'!
So long (:
ps, yes Steph, same blogskin as yours! couldn't find anything else suitable-r!
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