've had bouts of crying urges past few days. dont know lah, super weird. (HAH! it's the correct spelling, gladys! :D)
 
enjoyed the talk on Olympism alot. even though im not a sportswomen (lol im not even a woman - -"), but there was alot of underlying stuff of deeper value which kinda poked right through me. today's talk about self-esteem too. there was this inner being within which felt funny.
 
sometimes i really really really hate (i'm sorry God, im not supposed to hate anyone/anything) myself. er, i can imagine you reading this and you're like, "O: ?!!" no lah, but serious, sometimes i'd get this feeling that alot of people dont like me and i end up not liking myself also cos alot of people dont like me. aiyah you dont liao jie my tong ku, but really, the feeling is super real. i have a very very awesome brain that tends to visualise things exceptionally well. picture a certain object/person/scenario; it's good and bad. before speeches/big activities/events, i will lie in bed the night before and picture the actual scenario and think of 1001 things that will happen, and play through the actual thing in my head, think of what im gonna say, how i will react, how people will react etc etc. but then i visualise bad stuff too O: like idk, super duper vivid imagination, which is really useful at times, but really stupid at times too. okay i think i'll end this post soon, cos i cant express my thoughts properly. and er, i dont sound like a make a lot of sense, do i. i dont think as much as/like yanquan, but i think alot. i lie in bed every night thinking of what happened in the day and what's gonna happen the next day, and smile/cry over happy and sad stuff, self-blame and pray over stupid mistakes which i made. it's good in a way, but sometimes it's bad too. think too much, and i end up turning and thinking and turning and thinking.. and 2 hours fly by, and i'll still be wide awake. (*stephanie starts ranting, on and on and on...*)
 
aiyah this post is super pointless and everything is clumped together. roar, im very very tired. i think there's alot of bahgahrahrah(?!) accumulated inside me. mentally, physically also. poof, need to get well before leaving for beijing. but with this stupid cough, i think i might just collapse at the Great Wall. O:
 
beginning to like the beijing 2wks group ppl more and more, i think we're a really balanced/nice, happy bunch (: aah and i just cant get the dance right lah, so lousy! ): urgh, dancing molecules have dissipated into the cosmos. i wanna dance again (: like, dance lessons with Miss Tan (: i miss those times ): Miss Tan taught us that the most important thing about dance is about dancing from the heart, and knowing who you're dancing for. and smilinggggggg :D
 
i think my eyes are really getting smaller and smaller. in photos now, my eyes form one single line. or maybe im smiling too widely. ._. note to self: open your eyes when you take photos next time haha! (: (i shall not suan sandy here, the issue of eye sizes is extremely sensitive xD)
 
speaking of sandy, tmr, no. today, in fact, since it's already 0014 (16mins to 12:30!!!) is the Sec4s' last official day in NY. i think, in a blink of an eye, and i'll be graduating too :/ time files. but life goes on (:
 
roar im sleeeeeeeepy! :D
 
310 is really really a very very special class. 212'07, 310'08. i think i'll look back and think of secondary school days with heaps of beautiful memories (: (photos and videos really do help alot to scoop out memories, i've realised :)) hahahahahah! we won prizes for the funny competitions today lah, so cute!
 
aye, wanted to upload photos, but nvm (:
 
EH I SHOULD START A PHOTO BLOG :D OHMYGOOSE THAT'LL BE SO COOL!!
haha what a random idea! mm that shall be my holiday plan if i have time :D hahahah but should i stick to blogger? :/ poof! ohwells :D i wanna do alot of things in the holidays!!! !!! er, but it'll be over in a blink of an eye. O:
 
wahpiang, i have 1000+ photos in my camera, that's quite kong bu, considering that it's the first memory stick i've got and i thought it'll take more than a year to fill up the memory space. 
 
aiyah shall end here, da jia wan an :D it's 12:37am D: lol super abrupt ending - -" this post is super fragmanted. pause, i've no idea why, but i suddenly got this feeling that i sound like sandy sometimes, when talking/writing. good or bad ah. O: one thing for sure, im taller and definitely more matured than her, tsk [x

hokey pokey, 
WAN AN :D

tag replies are one month overdue O: but, better late than never :D

er i feel wierd now cos there's someone sitting beside me - -"

OHMYGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE.
I NEVER KNEW THAT WIERD WAS SPELT AS "WEIRD".
AND THAT SOMEONE JUST WENT, "LOUSY."
EH WIERD IS REALLY "WEIRD" MEH!!! !!! !!!

fifteen years of my life living, thinking that wierd is wierd. tai bang le.

INTRUDER ALERT, INTRUDER ALERT.
(ignore the following below, in red)
"XIAOEN IS LAME :(
SANDY SOUNDS/LOOKS/DOES WEIRD ACTIONS LIKE XIAOEN :O
:D:D:D"

ANYWAYS, BACK TO TAG REPLIES :D

another junior!: HAHHAHA WHATTT! and can you please stop pulling a long face - -" LOL. HAHAH. tsk and how you know its me ): HAHHAHAHHA okay fine, its a bit obvious - -"
another junior!: roar why does time pass so slowly ):
another junior!: haha im on the phone with you now ):
another junior!: and you keep telling me you want to put down ):
another junior!: haha and you're talking to me about your signature now ):
another junior!: 3 more min :O hahah! yay i love msn chats with you and banana <3>
another junior!: OHMAN YOU BROKE MY SPAM ): ROAR HAHHAHA.
QISHAN: HAHA HELLO XIAOEN LOL I LOVE SPAMMING YOUR TAGBOARD ):
QISHAN: STOP LAUGHING HAHAHHAHHHA.
QISHAN: <3>
QISHAN: ohmygod i failed in spamming your board lah forget it.
all of the above tags happened in 41 minutes, while i was talking on the phone with the very same person. as such, i cannot be bothered to reply, goodbye :D

NEXT! :D

VANESSA!: happy birthdayy xiaoen-ny(: and dont say its not impt, coz it IS impt(: sigh, i dont know what to say to you, but yeaa, have a very happy birthday <3>
VANESSA!: o.o its early, but nevermind(: love you<3
VANESSA!: wan an(: its 3minutes to 12 midnight(:
YAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME~! (whoa this was er, really very very long ago O: )
hehheh eoys are over too!!! how were your results? (: try your best, good already (: eh jiayou for camp prep okay, now senior already ah! :D love you too {;

MICHELLE(: hello soyabeann :D happy birthday yeah! <3
greeeeeeeeenbeeeeeeeeeeeeeean! ^^ mm, if holidays got time go out together okay! :D

WENNY!: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ENNNYYYY!!! WO AI NI <3333>
WENNY!: HEHEH YAY YOU'RE 15 AND ONE DAY OLD :D HAHA
yeah yeah! same age as you and waaaaaaaaaaaaay more matured :D 2 more months to go! ^^

huijunnn: HEYYYYY! HAPPY BIRTHDAYYY:)))
thank you! <3>

lalala: HAHHA i never get nightmares! :O wth stupid dream, but not as stupid as the one i told you - -"
pooof :D

linxi: hello xiaoen! happy birthday poohpooh! <3>
hellooo hoophoop! thank you! ^^

sunshine (: eh hahahah i posted what! :D but i'm sorry cause it wasn't really worth the wait ):
sunshine (: HAPPY 15th YEAR ON MAMA EARTH :D
eh your lj is dead D: someone's birthday coming in january! :D (you'll be in jc by then... i wont be beside you... yi ge ren... jc... jc... jc... ... ... ...)

suying: hello :D happy birthdayy(: and oh haha i'll send you the meme :D
meme received! but dont know how to answer leh D:

sarah: happy belated birthday xiaoen (:
yay thank you sarah! :D

yanquan: me too!!! but i will become an adult before you!
CHHHHH~! *rolls eyes*

kakay: wahlao you're shet can. you actually wan people to mourne for you eh? WL :/ so act tua! and the real wei3 da4 people will die in silent one kay?!
kakay: silence*
AHEM? I BET YOU'LL CRY THE LOUDEST IF I DIE SUDDENLY LAH :D

lalala: yay hello xiaoen! :D haha, sorry i couldnt go home with you today!
yay: hahha ohman i always tag with weird names. anyway i realised i sound damn sian in that sentence HAHA.
it's okay (: we can go home tog another time... (if there is :D)
chhhhhh~ wierd names! crazy lah you :D

VANESSA ;D: sighhhhhhh >(
uhhhh this was so long ago, i cannot remember what you were sighing for - -"





pause. uh oh still got alot more tags, im getting abit sian. ._.

*and she presses on to prove some people wrong - -"*



chinwen: haha I BET YOU'RE FEELING SUPER LONELY WITHOUT ME ): oh lonely, im so lonely,i had nobody,on my own~~~ (break into the lonely song)
aye, you should be more lonely than me :D it's okay! flying hug!!! :D

siyan: I read the last post, I thought of posting sth meaningful, really really, your post is thought-evoking, but then when you turn light and happy, I forgot what I wanted to say, haha. I wanted to comfort you and tell you not to be depressed...
heh thank you ah (: im fine one lah, i get over rah-rah bouts pretty quick :D

:D: sorry for not following you today ><
(:

yanquan: hahas... i think it will be very cool if we are in the same company... like i think ur creative and like aesthatic aspect and like marketting stuff will be very good... so like quite cool...
yanquan: am i one of the ppl who changed your lives and impact you and etc etc??? why dun u dedicate a post to me??? i deserve so much more mah.... ...
er, start company tog? hahah but cannot lah, we piss each other off sometimes :/ er, unfortunately, you're not really one of them yah :D

huijunnn: XIAOENNN U LAGGERR! HAHAHAHA
WHAT O:

S: HELLO XIAO EN! :D HAHAH MISS COURTEOUS OMGOSH.
poof lah you! cannot help it lah, ben lai jiu hen courteous :D

chinwen: HELLOYOUUU :))
HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BACK :D this is the dont know how many tag reply alr O:

the person"laughs at you": HELLO OUXIANG! :D -BEAMS-
are you steph?! okay lah, should be right. fanclub president!! :D

your fan says: HELLO OUXIANG! :D -BEAMS-
HAHAHHAH hello man. electric fan or manual fan?
er pause, that wasnt very funny - -"

gladys: hahahahahahaha eh i read finish hor >( LOL.
gladys: im finally using my real name :O eh see you tmr <3>
loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! ^^




bell just rang. continue this post later when i have time. (:
pause, but got no time - -"
packing luggage for china trip tonight!! beijing here i come!!! :D HAHAHAH [:

310; CONSOL FOR FRUIT BASKET WRAPPING, SECOND FOR SKIPPING, FIRST FOR SALAD MAKING :D we rock lah.

hokey pokey, see you sooooooooon :D

life doesnt stop. 

press on! (:

after receiving countless emails from facebook, yours truly decided to sign in to take a look at what this is all about. ._. created an account last time, left it there, empty and sad.
er, conclusion is, didnt bother to play around with it, and deactivated the account instead - -"
so long, facebook.
i think my friendster's account's going soon too...
and perhaps, this blog might migrate away to somewhere far away one day..
oh well.
feeling extremely weird now, sigh. ):

have you ever felt like you really really didnt like yourself? :/

._.

after receiving countless emails from facebook, yours truly decided to sign in to take a look at what this is all about. ._. created an account last time, left it there, empty and sad.
er, conclusion is, didnt bother to play around with it, and deactivated the account instead - -"
so long, facebook.
i think my friendster's account's going soon too...
and perhaps, this blog might migrate away to somewhere far away one day..
oh well.
feeling extremely weird now, sigh. ):

have you ever felt like you really really disliked yourself?

after receiving countless emails from facebook, yours truly decided to sign in to take a look at what this is all about. ._. created an account last time, left it there, empty and sad.
er, conclusion is, didnt bother to play around with it, and deactivated the account instead - -"
so long, facebook.
i think my friendster's account's going soon too...
and perhaps, this blog might migrate away to somewhere far away one day..
oh well.
feeling extremely weird now, sigh. ):

after receiving countless emails from facebook, yours truly decided to sign in to take a look at what this is all about. ._. created an account last time, left it there, empty and sad.
er, conclusion is, didnt bother to play around with it, and deactivated the account instead - -"
so long, facebook.
i think my friendster's account's going soon too...
and perhaps, this blog might migrate away to somewhere far away one day..
oh well.
feeling extremely weird now, sigh. ):

've had bouts of crying urges past few days. dont know lah, super weird. (HAH! it's the correct spelling, gladys! :D)

enjoyed the talk on Olympism alot. even though im not a sportswomen (lol im not even a woman - -"), but there was alot of underlying stuff of deeper value which kinda poked right through me. today's talk about self-esteem too. there was this inner being within which felt funny.

sometimes i really really really hate (i'm sorry God, im not supposed to hate anyone/anything) myself. er, i can imagine you reading this and you're like, "O: ?!!" no lah, but serious, sometimes i'd get this feeling that alot of people dont like me and i end up not liking myself also cos alot of people dont like me. aiyah you dont liao jie my tong ku, but really, the feeling is super real. i have a very very awesome brain that tends to visualise things exceptionally well. picture a certain object/person/scenario; it's good and bad. before speeches/big activities/events, i will lie in bed the night before and picture the actual scenario and think of 1001 things that will happen, and play through the actual thing in my head, think of what im gonna say, how i will react, how people will react etc etc. but then i visualise bad stuff too O: like idk, super duper vivid imagination, which is really useful at times, but really stupid at times too. okay i think i'll end this soon, cos i cant express my thoughts properly. and er, i dont sound like a make a lot of sense, do i. i dont think as much as/like yanquan, but i think alot. i lie in bed every night thinking of what happened in the day and what's gonna happen the next day, and smile/cry over happy and sad stuff, self-blame and pray over stupid mistakes which i made. it's good in a way, but sometimes it's bad too. think too much, and i end up turning and thinking and turning and thinking.. and 2 hours fly by, and i'll still be wide awake. (and you, stop telling me to sleep lah xD)

aiyah this post is super pointless and everything is clumped together. roar, im very very tired. i think there's alot of bahgahrahrah(?!) accumulated inside me. mentally, physically also. poof, need to get well before leaving for beijing. but with this stupid cough, i think i might just collapse at the Great Wall. O:

beginning to like the beijing 2wks group ppl more and more, i think we're a really balanced/nice, happy bunch (: aah and i just cant get the dance right lah, so lousy! ): urgh, dancing molecules have dissipated into the cosmos. i wanna dance again (: like, dance lessons with Miss Tan (: i miss those times ): Miss Tan taught us that the most important thing about dance is about dancing from the heart, and knowing who you're dancing for. and smilinggggggg :D

i think my eyes are really getting smaller and smaller. in photos now, my eyes form one single line. or maybe im smiling too widely. ._. note to self: open your eyes when you take photos next time haha! (: (i shall not suan sandy here, the issue of eye sizes is extremely sensitive xD)

speaking of sandy, tmr, no. today, in fact, since it's already 0014 (16mins to 12:30!!!) is the Sec4s' last official day in NY. i think, in a blink of an eye, and i'll be graduating too :/ time files. but life goes on (:

roar im sleeeeeeeepy! :D

310 is really really a very very special class. 212'07, 310'08. i think i'll look back and think of secondary school days with heaps of beautiful memories (: (photos and videos really do help alot to scoop out memories, i've realised :)) hahahahahah! we won prizes for the funny competitions today lah, so cute!

aye, wanted to upload photos, but nvm (:

EH I SHOULD START A PHOTO BLOG :D OHMYGOOSE THAT'LL BE SO COOL!!
haha what a random idea! mm that shall be my holiday plan if i have time :D hahahah but should i stick to blogger? :/ poof! ohwells :D i wanna do alot of things in the holidays!!! !!! er, but it'll be over in a blink of an eye. O:

wahpiang, i have 1000+ photos in my camera, that's quite kong bu, considering that it's the first memory stick i've got and i thought it'll take more than a year to fill up the memory space.

aiyah shall end here, da jia wan an :D it's 12:37am D: lol super abrupt ending - -"

WAN AN :D

INTERACT'08

post-camp mood always feels wierd.

i need to blog about psl camp before all the feelings leave me! :D

hahahah just finished blog-hopping to read juniors/other psls blogs about the camp (: er i think some of them will be shocked cos i left random tags on their blogs ._.

ANYWAYSSSSSSSS :D

uhh i sound like a crazy fangirl. ._. 

interact'08 is gonna be very very very memorable (: i dont know why! 've been to more than 20+ camps already (!!!), since my first camp in GB in primary 3 (aye, time flies :/). the feeling is just very.. different. pause, special would be a better word (: 

i have so much to talk about i dont know when/where to start O:

having a camp 1 day right after exams is.. O: i suppose the only time before the camp when exco'08 seriously, seriously got down together to plan the camp together, was, er... one day before the camp :D tai bang le.

interact has brought us closer together (i hope this doesnt sound too emo along the way...), excos and the entire psl (: 

for the eight/nine/ten of us, (janelle, we're waiting for you to come back! adalyn, we really really dont hold anything against you, can you please dont go? stay together for the final year together?) going around cbd after our final math paper, planning retarded, random stuff, walking till our legs were on the edge of ka-cha-ing, sitting down in the middle of nowhere in raffles city shopping centre (in school uniforms :D)... haha! thinking back feels wierd (: i suppose we got to know each other alot better, and we've had so much laughter in such a short time it made up for everything in the past (: we got to see hidden (dark) sides of each other (ahem, katherine and nettie :D) it's amazing how everything managed to work out together. seriously. we should get an award for being so calm and cool and composed in the face of lastminute-ness and frantic-ness; the saying is right, "slow and steady wins the race" (: when the boat comes, the bridge will be straight (HAHAH LITERAL TRANSLATION :D) anyways, we'll always have the rest of us to back us up, and things end up good in the end :D TAI BANG LE.

idk, for me, the best part of psl camp was when we were discussing about sec1 orientation next year (hahah so random right.) okay, only the part of the discussion before dailaoshi entered conf room. (to be elaborated later on in this post.. somewhere i suppose)

back to the point (: went back to conf rm after preparing for water games, sat with my group while listening to everything the psls had to say about orientation planning. i was shocked/surprised at the suggestions and comments (: seriously, marvellous ideas which we'd never have ever thought of as individuals/small groups. and when people started sharing excitedly to everyone, that feeling was -ohmanidontknowhowtodescribe-! this is the first time, ever, that i have ever felt psls' passion & enthusiasm to be involved in serving and doing our part as student leaders to contribute towards doing something in school. when ms teo said stuff about putting everything together to present an entire orientation proposal to the school, it was like everyone in psl coming together to throw in their power and show people what we're seriously capable of. (sidenote: psls have so much more in them/us that we havent/just dont have enough opportunities and time to show. there are so many of us, we can do so so so much more, together.) 

anyways, er the discussion was quite sour and prickly (i dont know how to describe the atmosphere lah!) when we were talking about Council and school management stuff, in front of Mdm Tye. (ps: this post is not meant as a spark to stir up a huge fiasco and debate about sensitive issues which many parties have many opinions about, it is merely a piece from a personal point of view, meant for simple sharing :)) i have absolutely no idea why there is a certain degree of animosity(sp?!) between council and psl. there's nothing to compare about, honestly, both sl groups are so so so different and unique in our own ways. some councillors(sp?! AH piang, my spelling's horrible!) will never understand why and how psl works, whereas some psls might not be able to see the rationale and system of nysc. uhoh, i hope im presenting my thoughts tactfully enough in a right way (: aiyah, zong zhi, it's really so different. and being different is good! we can serve the school in so many different ways (: there'll surely be some overlapping regions, but you know what? why not do it together, instead of fighting over mini issues and tussling here and there. i've never wanted to be a student councillor; i feel that it's just different from the way i lead and do things. im a more rah-rah-come-on-let's-have-crazy-fun-together person, and im not as good as doing formal planning stuff. and there are some issues which i cant seem to comprehend about the way council stuff work, but i respect councillors alot; their dedication and utmost commitment to stuff. but i enjoy being in psl so much, it's different from council, but we both have different plus points, as well as different not so good points, but that's just the way things are (: and why should we go against one another, when there is absolutely no point in that? i suppose some psls feel that more recognition should be given to other nysl groups, and as mentioned earlier, we can be given greater opportunities to stretch our abilities and potential. we need to show that we are up to it first! :D there are so many psls, as compared to councillors, which can be a good and bad thing lah. we've more manpower and more brains to think, but organising and getting down to details might be more messy. aiyah i dont want to rant about this already (: but dont you think diversity is good? it gives us so much more to work with, to learn from and to experience and to grow. (:

HAHAHAHA OKAY BACK TO HAPPY STUFF! :D

er, shall post in point form, cos the brain is quite wonky donky!

the following are super random bits about camp (:

` i really wasnt around during night trail!!! !!! !!! people keep saying i was the stupid cleaner lah ._. I WAS HELPING OUT WITH LOGISTICS DURING NIGHT TRAIL CAN YOU PLEASE.

`hahahahaha water games was cool (: pffft the rain! but it was cool, nonetheless (: i wish i was around to see the shampoo-ed peeps!

`im glad we chose to down-size amazing to around one area, i think we'd have died if it was around singapore O: (next year, perhaps?? ;D) there were several other stuff which we scraped/down-sized due to lack of time, but i suppose everything fitted well in the end (: (note to self: dont be too ambitious if there's no time! :))

`hehheh song session with sec1s was fun! i hope they enjoyed it (: i love love love my 2 wonderful juniors! PROUD TO BE FROM UG :D

`it was fun watching the debate during the situation thing thing, whoa, psls are quite fierce, i tell you.

`AAAAAAAAAAAH I GOT BITTEN BY A STOOPID MILLIPEDE D<

(/edit: ): my entire millipede paragraph disappeared! poof you blogger! ): ) 

(the paragraph had "i think evelyn is cute", if i remember correctly. aiyah, that must be the reason why it disappeared lah D: im sorry evelyn hahah dont be sad.)

`ECURIE IS SO CUTE (: a very, very special group (: EHHEH they got the "Group that Xiaoen loves the most" award okay!!! (stooooooooopid exco was like, "oh man, so terrible, that's the worse award any group can ever get" ._____________. pfffft!)

`STEPHANIE SOO KEEPS LAUGHING AT ME D: eh whapiang very funny meh! im so gentle and demure lah :D eh stephanie's eyes are very big! O: my eyes are shrinking as the years go bye, it's very very sad ):

`heh i think the camp tee is nice :D (*exco rolls their eyes*)

okay i shall end this post soon, it's super long already lah! if you've read until here, please give yourself a pat on the back. :D xiaoen expresses her love for you.

mm, interact'08 was different from past camps, didnt want to focus so much on training and everyth, but more on getting everyone together to know each other, and have fun together, before working together in the new year. (so many 'together's ._.) hahahah during movie-watching, when everyone was in their sleeping bags watching Step Up, turned to miss teo, "Eh Miss Teo, PSL camp like slumber party liddat." "I know~." and we laughed. hahhah seriously. having a camp like this is good and bad lah. but mm, i dont think it'll work for Guides ATC (: (ehheh but we could still have some fun stuff here and there! cant wait cant wait cant wait :D)

i think we broke alot of traditions (: ooh and i remember a very very important point! 2 days 1 night is just nice (: i thought it was super short at first, seriously. but hey, just nice dey! or maybe we were burnt out already, idk? but i thought it was short, sharp and sweet :D and evelyn was saying it's good to break camp in the evening (: i agree (: (note: campfire next year? :D)

okayokay this post is really ending already (: hehheh im not gna post any photos yet here, shall do so after the montage and psl site :D exco's promised that we'll revamp the entire system; it's gonna be huge, tough, brain/time-draining, but i think we need to make it work [: aaaaand, im pretty sure psls will be more than willing to help out in the process! :D

YAY THE END :D im super tired, this is a ridiculously long post. O: seriously, er i dont think anyone will read all the way till the end. it'll be cool when i read this post years down the road (:

EHHEHHEHHEHHEH I HAVE FANSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHMAN SO COOL :D

ohman my holidays are packed to the max, i hope things will work out too! (: looking forward to every thing though :D

i think the most important is God. without Him, nothing will ever, ever work out. 

Lord, help me learn to look to You, to learn from You, and to give glory to Your name. 

thank God for everything so far, and for everything else, i give them to You.

Praise God! 

(:

sigh, i need to get over this bout of rah-rah soon.

on another note, maths is really irritating!!! 

can someone please persuade me why on earth do we learn maths?

i mean, simple addition and subtraction is adequate in life.

irritating leh! 

pfffffffffffffft.

current mood:

-_____________________________- 

sian to the max, trying to find my meaning and purpose in life.

currently i feel like i have a purpose, but what im doing now serves no purpose in fufilling my purpose D:

've been feeling rather distant from evelyn lately, talking to her felt really wierd O: ohman leftie ): hahahah but then again it felt normal during exco meeting at lunch. yay (: okay nvm, we can catch up after eoys and at psl camp :D i wna sleep next to you! (i kick at night :D)

maths tuition is helping, but i keep forgetting everything i learn, it's getting on my (and probably the teacher's) nerves. and i feel so really bad towards my parents cos it's wasting alot of their money ): i agree with yanquan, i wish i could be really really smart like helin, at least for a day, please? (:

was reading 'chicken soup for the christian soul', i think God's really cool (: it was quite therepeutic to cry after some of the stories. crying is therepeutic (: hahah but im those people who prefer to remain sorrowful in solitude and silence, so i suppose not many will get to see me cry, unless it's really really bad, and everyone else around me is crying, or im really at my max. otherwise, my tolerance is pretty high. :D (farewell coming, sandy D: )

i shall go out, probably on my own, for some fresh air soon. 

i think i've said this a gazillion times, but seriously, life is really very funny. one moment, it makes us happy, another moment, it makes us upset, then suddenly something happy comes along the way... and the cycle goes on and on!! pfft. 

hahahah i think it's cool how huier and i are ace-ing our language arts! eh we rock! bah, LA is the only subj i've found hope in. (i hope eoys wont pull me down...) currently we both have no idea who is winning, by 1 or 2 marks. hahah! it's okay, we should combine forces instead! ;D eh let's aim for >80 next year O: (:

eh goose, i wanted to top the class for geog ): hahaha but it's okay, things come and things go (: learn to let go and stop brooding about stupid things, cos it wont help at all. look ahead!

i suck, but i rock, but i suck.

"gladys says:

lol okay (: go blog about how much you love me haha."

one of these days, i'll dedicate a full-length post to you. be patient (:

quite a few  people have made very very lasting impacts on my lives. i think these people are really awesome and i really respect and salute them, from the bottom of my heart. some people look up to me (no, this is not coming from a proud perspective), but i think these people deserve waaaaaaay more respect. you guys are awesome, i thank God for you all!

i want a job that needs bouts of creativity (albeit crazy, abstract ideas that work out in the end...) and has lots of people and talking :D life will be so happy! (: haha!

i should quit talking. have tons more jingaling thoughts to say, 

but time is so little, 

i shall continue another day.

so long,

farewell;

sometimes it's better to leave things to God,

for only time will tell (:

/edit:

see it's really stupid how i always start of a post sad and emo, but always end off sounding and feeling happy. ohwell, happiness springs forth from stupidity and ignorance, so there (:

im waiting for someone to finish posting.
-___________________-

happy birthday! :D

to me! :D

HAHAHAH {:

thank you for all your nice little sms-es! at 12 midnight, i couldnt stop smiling like some happy idiot (: hahah this year's birthday's abit drab, im all alone at home now - -" but still, thank you thank you and thank you {: dont rack your brains to think of what to get! i've already gotten all your gifts and it's already more than enough :D

hoorah! (:

and i know there's one little soul in china celebrating too, thank you! you know who you are ;D

on a sidenote, i had horrible dream - -"

it must be because of the phone call from you know who you are, was laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing. you know my mom always tells me that if you laugh too much before you sleep, you'll get nightmares. 

i dreamt that there was some terrorist/robber/whatever lah, and he was planning to attack, then i overheard his telephone conversation and confronted him. then he took out his knife and held me as hostage! ohmygoose, eh but but you know what? i remember there was this charming guy in my dream ohmygoose! dont know lah, but there was this super handsome person, was he a policeman? aiyah zong zhi at the end of my dream i died as a heroine. :D (albeit in a pool of blood and whatnot O: ) i think i was in the charming guy's arms. *swoons*

WHOO~ :D

eh i wanna die as a heroine in real life too! like someone who will appear in the newspapers and have the entire nation mourning for (: wow, that'll be awesomely cool :D

hahaha actually im not really fifteen yet, considering i was born at 10:51pm. [:

you know, my mom was admitted to hospital on friday afternoon for contractions, but i was delivered only on sunday night? HAHAHAH im the best. and i entered this world by caesarian(sp?!) my mom's a hero. ohman can you imagine being in labour for 3 days? O: goose! 

i wish we could all stop growing up for a bit (:

eeeks can you imagine being an adult?! O: 

(i think i'll burst out laughing when i read this entry ten years down the road.)

okay that's about it for now :D

the end.

:D

've been having alot of internal wars lately.
internal as in, within me.
not the devil angel kind, but alot of contradicting thoughts.

ohman this sucks.

we shouldnt think too much, it makes life too complicated. it's easier to accept things the way they are. (and try to change some stuff?) (but sometimes it doesnt work.)

never mind. (:

i do not want to study. :D

haha! aiyah.

tag replies:
sarah- you're in the "We are Old and Deaf Club"! HAHAHAH! [x

lover- C-H-E-A-T-E-R! we compete again muhahahah i sure win one lah, cheater.

yanquan- i know ;D

wenny <3333333333333- save the best for the last :D i miss you too! but it's okay, absence makes the heart grow fonder! :D ya alright over there? (: sorry i wasnt online yesterday (: im so happy you can still visit blogs and go online! hooray for the power of technology!!! LA paper tmrw, not really bothered :D haha! i love you! (ps, surprise for you when you come back ;))


i love this photo! it's so jing dian!!!

eh do juniors read my blog? hahahha just wondering. hello junior! if you're reading this, leave a tag okay! :D whoo~ (besides you, gladys.)

my maximum hearing range is 19,600Hz whoo ohman i rock! :D

best hearing in class haha! [:

(the max a human can go is 22,000Hz :))

yesterday was a happy day (:

sorry rachel, im still working on the proposal! ohman i suck ):

just contradicted myself ._.

okay byebye {:

c.o.u.n.t.d.o.w.n.

count your little blessings!

i love the people in my life. (:

on another note, math retest was great today. if there arent mistakes or calculation errors, should be able to do quite well. really really wna do well.

and injection was ahrahgah but ohwell thank God it's over (:

life is a funny thang.

xiaoen, breathe.

ps- im okay, dont worry too much {: teenage angst!

i am upset with - 

):

very very.

urgh!

"think of Me"

actually... there are still alot more in life that we havent seen or experienced ourselves, but this doesnt mean they are non-existent.

i want to stop and ponder about life. 

but for now, time permits me to.

things are piling in fast and furious, i choose to believe in 'slow and steady wins the race'. (:

thank God for friends, family and the little happy things that come by now and then. we need to learn how not to take them for granted (: 

've been thinking a bit about how ugly the world is actually. this very world we live in. sigh ): sometimes, the Lord gets blurred out and twisted and tattered by all these hoohahs in our world, it's quite scary. it's difficult to fix your eyes on the final line, many people live for the present. 

life is alot about letting go of things, and letting go of yourself to be able to accept certain stuff and people. i think putting ourselves in others' shoes is really important. our world would be a much better place if everyone can wear everyone else's shoes. (: pardon the wierd expression. sometimes it's quite life-shortening to think about people/stuff that you dont like. but then if you really just do nothing but open up all the doors of your brain and your heart to think about them, sometimes you'd wonder what would happen if you were involved/you were the person too. we need empathy in our lives.

letting go, letting go, letting go...

let go.

but it's quite hard to, isnt it. especially when people hurt you so badly, and you seem to be the only one in pain. 

El Shaddai, El Shaddai, 
El-Elyon na Adonia, 
Age to age You're still the same, 
By the power of the name. 
El Shaddai, El Shaddai, 
Erkamka na Adonai, 
We will praise and lift You high, 
El Shaddai.

but you dont bear the pain alone.

Jesus' is whispering softly and tenderly, "think of Me."

think of Him.

i hate viruses ):

COMPUTER VIRUSES ARE BECOMING CLEVERER AND CLEVERER EACH DAY.
I DONT LIKE YOU STUPID VIRUSES/MEAN PEOPLE WHO CREATE VIRUSES!
PFFT! ):

computer dont die please? i love you very very much please dont die ):
i want to cry already lah ):

on another note, friday with sandy and sharlene was really fruitful (: hooray for eoy study partner :D and hooray for wonderful conversation at long john's (: even though shar was absolutely -.-ed by us. i dont mind moving house to toa payoh actually, to think about it (: important point to declare is that sandy and i now have O: hair and i really cant imagine going to school on monday. ohman we dont want to be lians ): eh wear wig lah! i insist i like your hair more! :D woots next time go cut with sharlene :D hahahah cant wait! {:

oh yes and i remember what i wanted to say. it's super important okay da jia men. i was so disappointed when i was looking for connie talbot's album in toa payoh central popular lah! ): how can they put her in the children's section!!! !!! !!! it's an insult to connie ): roar connie talbot (: <3

sidenote- yay we're all now certified first aiders!! (yours truly included) so dont worry about fainting/choking/heart attacks my friends! xiaoen will surely save you, fang xin ba! :D hereby declare that batchmates are pigs O: hahahah aurelia has seen the unglamorous/horrifying/crazy side of her wonderful sec 3 seniors ohman O: aurelia's muscles are so cool! you can totally see the lines lah O:

okay the virus is getting on my nerves. urgh the pop-ups!!! computer experts out there, anyone? ):

Happy Birthday, Ariel Guo!

Happy Birthday

to the most special friend in my life (:

Typed a paragraph of words, ended up deleting everything away;

No words can describe how precious our friendship is to me.

Just want to let you know,

Blessed Birthday,

I truly thank God for you. <3

Big big hug, Ariel Guo Yan Yi!

j.u.m.p.

j.u.m.p.

current mood-
charged up and ready to go;
thankful; blessed (:

long post- confessions?

okay this is gonna be a long post (i hope i have the patience to last through all my thoughts)
shucks i have so many things to say i dont know what to say.
havent blogged about alot of class/guides stuff.

shall start with guides (:
alot of things have been happening ._.
parade (was this very long ago!) wasnt perfect, but it was fantastic (: gave a wrong command and 破音-ed once, but it doesnt matter (: life isnt perfect, we strive for the best we can give, leave the rest to God :)

parade rehearsals/footdrill sessions just felt slightly wierd. right after taking over fc-ship, parade slammed into our faces. it's like you've never been doing something, but suddenly when it comes, it's like a huge thing and you know you cant screw up. but somehow you feel yourself screwing up, and you're trying not to. slowly, plod.

i think seniors are cool. and it's funny to think that all seniors were juniors, and then we're gonna become seniors ourselves, when actually we really feel like juniors. i really want to be a little junior and just enjoy myself/get scoldings/learn/grow (: but people grow up, it's very sad to think about growing up. at fifteen years old, i look back now and think about life when i was small.

ten years down the road, i'll look back at my life in sec school days, think about batchmates, seniors, juniors, teachers, classmates, best friends... i wonder if i'll pretend not to see them on the streets in future. when i see pri sch people, i dont know how to react, i just turn to my phone's smses. sigh. will we be but a mere passing shadow in each others' lives? ):

okay this post is turning slightly emo. but no, it is not emo, it is just xiaoen in a serious state, thinking. (:

being an fc (why do we say 'an' fc and not 'a' fc?!) feels funny. haha, i shouldnt really be posting all this, but i think it's alright for others to read (: but there are some stuff/feelings i keep deep down that only God understands. (i dont understand my own feelings sometimes, it's quite ironic.) several stuff/people have been forcing me to face up to life/myself/reality recently. it's not a nice feeling.

im a person who's strong on the outside, pretty strong on the second layer, slightly strong on the third, really squishy on the inside. i dont like feeling squishy. it's not nice to be ostracised. it's not nice to feel lonely. it's not nice to feel going against other people. i like people (: i like friends, i like working with people, laughing with them, being a part of them (: i like that feeling of being together, knowing each other, being at ease, letting go of facades and stupid feelings.

im like that with ariel (: ariel makes me happy, always. i dont know why. even when we're both sad/upset/rah-rah, somehow we'll just burst out laughing at each other, even if we're crying like rubbish, cos we know i have her, and she has me (: like, nothing in this world is too big. i like ariel cos she understands me. i understand her too. it's... unspoken. it's alchemy, this unspoken universal language of the world. even though we're so different now, everything's still the same. (more on this in later part of post, perhaps :))

siyan's question/comment in class was made me feel very akward. cos it was really true, but it doesnt really matter, does it? she said that i shouldnt hide my feelings if im upset or anything, i need to let people know how i feel and all. but i dont really believe in that. hmmm. anyways, siyan just said it in a very matter-of-factly tone, somewhat innocent. it's quite amazing/scary how siyan and yanquan analyse and read into people. sometimes they're right, sometimes they can be wrong also (: when im angry with people, i dont go into their face and have a direct clash/voice my opinions.

i like keeping my feelings, cos sometimes i might be wrong. i dont like misunderstandings. i think misunderstandings are stupid and dumb. it's irritating to watch drama serials with twists and misunderstandings. you wish you could just open the television and plonk this actor into a certain scene cos everything's going wrong because people go against each other over ridiculous things and it's plain rubbish. okay i've lost my point. what was i gonna say. ohyah, anyways, im not a person who shows emotions of anger/upset-ness/sadness/hurt/whatever-lah, especially anger. i dont like being angry. being angry is tiring. i'd rather smile and cool down then think rather than think of what to shout back at the other person/how to rebut (hee, debtate :)).

being angry and angsty takes up alot of energy, alot alot of energy, and time, and brain power, and heart power, and at the end of it i'll just become tired physically and mentally. which is stupid. like smoking. (note to self: must blog about smoking/smokers one day/later) but then again it's quite ahrahgah when people mistake me as sad/angry/emo/upset when im really just thinking/resting/stoning. i have a dao face when i dont smile (and when i smile i look like i struck Toto or smth ._.). dao dao dao face. it's cool to have a dao face :D hahahaha!

aiyah, anyways next time when you see me quietly sitting at a corner/looking angry/whatnot, just let me relax for a while (: im either 1) upset- let me cool off 2) thinking- let me think 3) stoning- wake me up if i fall asleep.

haha! the third point was funny (: i've been sleeping in alot of classes recently. ._. eh but sleeping in class is a nice feeling (: i feel very secure and warm and loved sleeping during lessons, i dont know why. (: haha! huier always provokes me when i sleep, i dont like her. and qinyan & shermaine always laughs/smiles when they see me sleep. heehee! :D

talking about lessons/classes/academia, i've been kinda disillusioned recently. quite badly, honestly. as i type this now, there is hahahahah forget it. never mind (: i need to get back on track. i want to get back on track.

thank God for the september holidays, although i think it's gonna be really short, thank God for the rest that i really really need. i pray, please help me spend my time wisely (im really serious about it, God.) and help me recharge to the max plus spare batteries included for term 4. i want to do well for EOYs and for my sec3 results. i want to be proud of myself and not feel like a sorry, stupid, messy state. help me, Lord. i cannot do it without You.

just scrolled up, realise i got drifted away from my point. anyways, being an fc/cfc is really just a bit funny. im still learning. it's very difficult to scold people. being assertive is an art. you know, standing outside the squad, it's easy to tell if the footdrill is good or bad. being in the squad, you need to focus on getting every single command right, it's hard to think about good or bad performance. sometimes, we leave it to luck. sometimes, it sucks when the fc keeps samula-ing cos you thought it was pretty good, and you're really very tired, but you need to do the command again. you really want to do it right, but somehow cannot. you dont know why, you cant make it right, and neither can anyone else.

making it right... it's the job of the fcs... making it right is the job of the FCs! every single one in the squad is like a puzzle piece, the FCs need to complete the puzzle. sometimes, the pieces dont fit, because the puzzle piecing person cant see what the pieces represent. each piece is so different, some pieces are easier to fit than the others, cos they have nice edges and their features are distinct and good, whereas other pieces might need more help because it is difficult to piece it into the entire piece of puzzle. if the puzzle pieceing person gives up, because some of the pieces are really very hard to fit, and the puzzle is so hard to piece, then there'll be no puzzle! piecing pieces arent easy. the pieces will feel very very very tired, because they need to have their edges poked and fitted and squeezed to their limits, the person will feel very tired also, because she can see the final image of the completed puzzle, but it's a difficult process. without the puzzle piecer, the puzzle will be but a scattered picture. without the pieces, even one single piece, there'll be no puzzle at all. at the end of it, the puzzle piecer can feel proud of the entire puzzle, and the puzzle pieces, being a part of the entire, magnificent, beautiful picture... who else will know that feeling? forgiveness, understanding, trust, love, determination, hardwork make up the thick, strong glue to hold it all together (:

i like puzzles (: but i never know how to complete them. i always pass my puzzles to my cousin, monghun, to piece them together (: monghun's really really really good at puzzles! i think she's amazing (:

if you want a nice pieced puzzle, you must sacrifice and give it your all to complete it.

fcs were once a part of the squad.

i havent blogged until my zhong dian!!! but i need to sleep in 5mins time and i havent bathed ._. eeee. okay shall continue editing this another day :D i think this post is really long [; yay g'night everyone <3

life is beautiful.

life goes on. founders' day parade 2008

Dear Xiaoen
it's okay dont be nervous/scared/depressed/down <3
just give your very best, just like how you tell others to.
you are not alone. even if you screw up tomorrow, you've done your best, it's okay.
(you wont screw up dear :D)
standing at the podium, forget about the butterflies in your stomach and jelly in your legs, just focus and look at one single spot high up there.
remember to breathe from your diagphram (sp?!).
show the school what UG/guides/you've got. let them 刮目相看.
晓恩，请你一定要加油。show that you are worthy as a cfc (chlorofluorocarbon ._.) (:
once in three years, you know you can do it.

pray and thank God for His strength.
with Christ, all things are possible.
God is with you, He is standing by His child.
dont be afraid; give it your all!
rid your self-consciousness.

love,
(:




hahaha guess who.












was 憋-ing tears after lunch drill today. (or yesterday, for that matter, since it's already 15th august. aka THE DAY OF PARADE. -idontknowwhatemoticontoput-) felt super lousy cos the voice was so soft. and you know what? i think part of the reason for an urge to cry was miss guo si yan. i dont know why, she was absolutely sweet and thoughtful and sincere and real when she asked if i was okay and went on to praise and that it'll be alright. yanquan was sweet too. i ku-shu-ed to her. (ohman ohman ohman ._.) sigh okay never mind, tomorrow will be a better day. no shucks, today.

trying to imagine standing on the podium,
i can feel the butterflies.
urgh.

worst case scenarios-
1. shout wrong command
(the school wont know, the squad wont move, just carry on with the right command.)
2. blank out and be the cause of 3 minutes of silence because the whole school is waiting for you to say your command
(urgh. ): look at sarah/chinwen who will hint to me, and it'll be so obvious to people standing upstairs.)
3. my voice will break
(the school will laugh, but aiyah never mind lah. (: life goes on.)
4. i wont be loud enough
(use the mic ._.)
5. i'll faint/collapse/die on stage
(st johns will rush to save me, before the ambulance is called (: if i die, i go to heaven. :D)

life goes on.

ohyah, evelyn's letter sort of (sort of only) brightened up my day. it was so full of nonsense (as usual) and little bits of confessions of her love for me. lol i think she reads sunbeamm, but leaves no trace of her prescence.

ooh, 310 won preliminary round 1 of class debate today! miss choo huier was the best speaker :D kudos to kakay, huili and huier! <3


hahhahaah okay whatever leave the rest to God already. polish boots and sleeeeeeep.

butterflies still fluttering about.

life goes on.

Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

voice is dying. ._.

eek, im very tired ):

roar never mind (:

have alot of things to say, but mind's abit too wonky tonky to think properly.

i think what matters most is that i've tried / i try my best.

it's the same for us. (:

and you. (:

edit- shucks, re-reading this sounds like im in some love relationship D:
proclamation: i am not ._.
this is a motivation for me, you and everybody else.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

senseless.

i have so many things to say, so much that i dont know where to start.
some things are better left unsaid. (:

i think im bottling up too much.

dad's singing is disrupting my thoughts ._.
(it's so loud O: )

made up my mind already, set. [:
i think im so similar to mom in this aspect.

hahahah forget it.

if you've read till here, you've wasted one minute of your life.
this is the end of a senseless post, goodbye. (:

/edit- btw, anyone knows of better methods/blog hosts that upload photos faster? (besides blogger, it's so irritating :( )

THANK YOU; FIGHT.

THANK YOU GOD FOR HELPING ME FIND MY DONATION CARD THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU <3

shoo you lousy self! STAND UP AND FIGHT.
I KNOW I CAN DO IT.
COME ON, STOP DISAPPOINTING YOURSELF AND OTHER PEOPLE.
FIGHT.

yay alot of outings/gatherings coming up!!!
- airport to fetch monghun this tuesday (finally!)
- buddy patrol outing this friday aft connect singapore (decide where to go!)
- celine's house + giant ikea with THE THREE CRAZY PEOPLE :D (YAY WE HAVENT TALKED FOR SO LONG SO FUN SO FUN SO FUN! EEHEEHEE I MISS YOU ALL!)

SHUCKS IM SUPER HIGH NOW. LET'S GO! IH! LET'S GO!

LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

EXTRA NOTE TO SELF
LIST OF OVERDUE WORK + STUFF TO DO:
- CHINESE ZUO WEN x2 (qing2 + organ donation)
- GEOG SIA
- CHINESE DU SHU BAO GAO
- MATHS WORKSHEET
- PHYSICS WS 7.1 + 8.1
- ACCOUNTS FOR GRAD NIGHT FUNDRAISING
- SEMINAR PRESENTATION
- CHEM WS 20
- DEBATE STUFF (HAHAHAH GO 310 :D I THINK WE'LL END UP DYING OF LAUGHTER HALFWAY ._.)

TRALALALALA WHAT ELSE AIYAH CANNOT THINK ALR. SORRY IF CAPS IS BLINDING YOUR EYES. :D

LIFE IS GOOD <3 THANK GOD IM ALIVE!

death.

i need need need to get my life back on track.
help me, God!

maybe i should quit schooling and rest for a year or smth. :D
ah well.

reading catherine lim's "unhurried thoughts at my funeral" currently..
makes you ponder and look at your own life.
at least it did for me.
what would happen if i died tmrw?
will people cry?
hmm, i wouldnt want people to cry for my death.

i think i might die with regrets cos perhaps.. i didnt put in my best effort on earth, i didnt have enough courage to share Christ's love with everyone, i wasnt a good testimony...
i cant wait to see God, but then again im afraid to see God.

if i die tmrw, but my death can bring the salvation of grandma and everyone else (friends, relatives, so much more), i'll gladly give up my life (:

roar it's quite depressing to think about the scene at my funeral.
please dont cry for me, i'll be in heaven with God! (:

are you ready to face judgement?

the Bible says that in the end times, there will be killings, war and natural disasters. the world will be plagued with sadness and sufferings... on judgement day, we'll stand before the Almighty, to face up to what we have done, and what we have not.

do other people sometimes ponder about death?
death is such a morbid issue, yet none of us can escape death.
i quote from her book, "Death is the greatest and most successful democracy."
was sharing with mom what a powerful sentence this was, she disagreed.

with Christ, death is defeated. only those who believe in Him will be saved.
i dont want to see my relatives and friends in Hell ):

Lord, wont you reveal yourself?

message was "In God You can Trust". fell asleep halfway, sorry.
life is slightly in a mess right now, i guess i really need to trust Him
and throw in lots of willpower and self-control.

i've tons of overdue work, how ):

slowly, plod.

back to IH, ciao (:

12 days left to ndp parade '08!

mistakes.

mistakes help us learn. [:
we're all learning, slowly..


tried my best for blocks, really did put in effort to study.
expecting rubbishy results, but so be it.
learn and aim for eoys.


new fcs felt kinda wierd during first cca session.
dont think we did very well, but we're all learning.


station game during first cca session was super duper screwed.
especially for the first group which cls observed.
but we all put in effort. it was our first time afterall.
next time, it'll surely be better.


've made alot alot of mistakes in psl exco,
but we still managed to impromptu and give all our best.
gained alot from all the stress and failures.

slowly but surely...


plod, plod, plod.

it is at times like this when stress management, faith, friends, family and perserverence comes in. (:

YAY :D

WHOOSH IM FEELING TERRIBLY INSPIRED TO STUDY FOR BLOCKS! :D

TIME
PRIORITY
CHOICES
DISCIPLINE
COME ON
COME ON
COME ON.

dont feel like disclosing alot about ndp parade here, but mm, seniors, have confidence in us!
at least we can try :D
at most we just fail and cry together (:

step out step out step out,
fly!

eek i sound gibberish. feeling super wierd (sandy png -.-) and jumpy and whoopee doopey doo-ish!
CCA tmrw aaahahhaha batch06 yeah man bring it on.

energy level almost bursting now, but eyelids arent co-operating. shucks i dont wanna die early by sleeping late.

i dont feel like sleeping tonight! [:

IM SO GLAD IM ALIVE!
yay thank you God for everything! i love you!

Razzmatazz 2006- Combined Precision Drill

Razzmatazz 2006- Combined Precision Drill

music is fast like crazy O: but they're quite good! [: BB, GB and NPCC do more precision drills. watch the GB girls do slow march at 22 seconds. remember watching seniors do that during parade/ march past. we should try learning it :D

fancy footdrill [1]

not the best i've seen before, in terms of combining technique, music and drill, but their formations are really good! :D

one in the squad.

POOF!

FC selection last friday, last official footdrill session with FCs '08.
it's been a long journey.

i really dont know if im up to it, cos i suck at managing time and im really forgetful and careless. ): NDP parade this year, guides are GOH. there's bound to be expectations, from others and ourselves. really really really really really really really want to have a mind-blowing parade this year that will up the profile of UG. like precision drill/ fancy footdrill, but that'll mean breaking 'tradition' and stuff. and and, WE HAVE NO TIME ): we're less than a month away from parade.

DREAM BIG.
and work hard to make these dreams come true.

maybe, hopefully, perhaps. (:

failing together, achieving together.
footdrill is not about you and yourself. you could be the best in the squad, but if the squad does not work together, the squad fails together. the squad is one, you are one with the squad.

流星下的愿

流星下的愿

我要花儿开个不停陪我们永远年轻

每朵花代表了纯净的爱情

我要种出一个森林陪他听落叶回音

陪它看雪花融化了的宁境

我怎能不相信飞舞的流星

正是为了实现我和花儿的约定

看满天的星星写出我心情

正好代表着我和你拥抱的生命

也许云端里有精灵窃听我的心

就让我们一起闭上眼睛

我要提琴奏出生命陪我们永远年轻

每个音节都有渐进的感情

我要用心表演一场让世界对我肯定

让湖边的狼也用心的倾听

我怎能不相信飞舞的流星

正是为了实现我和音乐的约定

看满天的星星(流星的风景)

写出我心情(有你的背影)

正好代表着我和你(你永远是我)

拥抱的生命(命中的精灵)

也许云端里有精灵窃听我的心

就让我们一起闭上眼睛

就让我们一起闭上眼睛

shucks this song is really really very very nice. <3

self-motivation

I, Lee Xiao En, hereby promise myself

that

I will sleep by 12:30am tonighttomorrow.

I'm gonna keep my promise! :D

BRING IT ON MAN.

servant leadership

affective education seminar '08- servant leadership

` Leadership is not about personal prestige, nor is it about fame, glory and rewards; leadership is service & dedication.

` A servant leader serves first; he has a natural feeling to want to serve, then he aspires to lead, to serve others’ needs. By serving, he is making a difference in the life of others and always places his people before himself.

` To be a servant leader does not require talents, it is about developing your character and serving with all your heart and passion; being committed and never giving up when faced with criticism, transforming our passion into realistic actions to empower others to become servant leaders themselves.

` A good leader does whatever he can with whatever he has, wherever he is. He persuades people to trust him as a leader, and makes right decisions to live up to their trust.

` Mere serving is not enough, the helpless become conditioned to receive help; we need to help others to help themselves!

Paradoxes of a Leader

Strong enough to be weak

Successful enough to fail

Busy enough to make time

Wise enough to say "I don't know"

Serious enough to laugh

Rich enough to be poor

Right enough to say "I'm wrong"

Compassionate enough to discipline

Mature enough to be childlike

Important enough to be last

Planned enough to be spontaneous
Controlled enough to be flexible

Free enough to endure captivity

Knowledgeable enough to ask questions

Loving enough to be angry
Great enough to be anonymous
Responsible enough to play

Assured enough to be rejected

Victorious enough to lose

Industrious enough to relax

Leading enough to serve

oh shoots!
ah rah gahhhhhhh.
anyways blog will be quite dead so dont bother, cos there's nothing much here anyways.
hopefully i'll come out of the battle alive and in one piece on friday,
right now im just trying to smile and stop bothering myself with sucky thoughts!
byebye :D

怎么办？

/edit:
going through an extreme bout of low self-esteem. ._.
i hope the sun will shine nice and warm soon ):

on a happier note, miss tan's back in singapore!!! O:
that's er, the only thing which i can think of which makes me happy.
cant wait to meet up with ariel and everyone else! (:
(wow smiley face)

disorganised!

at times, you could just say, "life sucks".

somehow, one turn after another, you'll look back and smile.

i desperately need truckloads of strength!!!
message last sunday was on "overcoming mindset", thought the speaker was great; thank God for His presence (:

how how how how how?
can you tell me howwwwww?

i can feel death drawing near )<

disorganised post, sorry.

math beckons.

byebye.

WILLPOWER. FIGHT AH.

ramble ramble ramble

currently...
im staring at the computer screen, with almost 20 tabs (or more) with websites on american/britain healthcare system ._. boo.

if you havent watched the film Sicko before, it's quite an insightful documentary to watch! it's about controversies on the american healthcare system, and it's sarcasm-ism (what a word ._.) will wow you. thank goodness singapore healthcare isnt like that!

researching is extremely tedious.. i wish i could just read on and on and not have to collate and put into words. but i can say, im learning alot as i do this assignment. it's an insight into politics, current affairs and tons more.

it's 12:38am, and im feeling slightly tired. oh did i mention, i slept at 7am someday last week! (!!!) was doing work and somehow, the sun started rising ._. oh but it was quite cool to hear the morning sounds (: like more and more cars & buses whizzing on the road, the birds chirping and all! went to bed before my parents woke up (: and i confessed to mummy (about sleeping at 7) that night haha! she was slightly amused.

hey does anyone know if barium hydroxide is an alkali? :D

yawn. oh, today's friday the 13th. haha! do you know that 13 is an auspiscious number in cantonese? it rhymes with "long-life" (in cantonese, of course. thir-teen doesnt sound like long-life) oh that wasnt very funny ._.

hahah sandy's blog is still quite dead ._.

blocks are coming and i really want to do well for math! wanna pull up my math grades in semester 2! i know i need to work hard for it, cos im a slower learner in math and science, but sigh, math is quite boring. but then again it's quite fun, after awhile, when you feel yourself getting cleverer... slightly.

the disecting pictures on jean's blog is extremely disturbing and im still pretty spooked by it ._. im glad i didnt take bio! (: i get really icky when i see blood/joints/what-nots.

aye okay i shall leave this post for now and get back to analysing the healthcare system! :D

or should i go sleep :/

OH I REMEMBER WHAT I WANTED TO POST ABOUT.

IS MY FACE VERY AMUSING!!! O: i still dont know why people start laughing when i make facial expressions out of shock/disbelief/what-not. im still trying to master the art of raising one eyebrow (: and i need to learn how to (what do you call that blinking one eye action?!!!) blink, no wait, everyone knows how to blink. er, squint. no! shucks. AH I REMEMBER THE WORD! WINK!!! oh crap that was so dumb ._. back to the topic. aye! why do people look at my face and laugh!!! O: -chomps head-

digression: eh i think my baby photos are super cute!!! actually i wonder to myself what happened to that little girl too ._. aye, but im still quite cute lah :D

okay i shall not whine about my amusing face already ._.

this sunday is fathers' day! (: im broke ): i'll find a way :D sigh, my dad's so sweet lah! i think he's quite infamous among my friends [x he's so wierd! but he's such an amazing dad (: i would want a husband like him next time! (apart from the impatientness and some other stuff :D) my dad's impatientness can be seen when we go shopping at the supermarket! when we're barely halfway done with the groceries, and with all the dilly-dallying, my dad will enthusiastically/annoyant-ly (another brilliant word invented) go, "eh you slowly continue shopping, i start queueing." how to shop slowly when he already starts queueing?! haha! but he's such a great dad (: even though my family isnt rich or anything, but i feel really blessed to be in this family :) im happy in this cosy little hdb flat, we dont have a car, we dont eat at fancy restaurants all the time... we're just an average, happy small little family! and i've great relatives, awesome friends, and so so so much more! rejoice! ^^

shall end here! :D life's good.
(back to my assignment! >< ._. :D!)

holidays!

this is gonna be a fragmented post! just bits and pieces of stuff that i wanted to post (: im not a huge fan of ranting about daily happenings and stuff!

er, let's see.
spent two long days with miss tan yan quan. i declare that she's so wierd! heh BUT I STILL LOVE HER! :D (and i ask myself: "why?!" x)) haha! i dont know why, but i feel very at ease with her (: i think we're quite common in many ways! (apart from her wierdness. im so sane please!) mm, she came over on monday (i think... i er, lose track of days during holidays ._.) and i went to her house on wednesday! :D i like toa payoh (: oh oh, we went to the 40 storey flats! (EH TANYANQUAN WE SHOULD HAVE GONE UP TO THE 40TH FLOOR! I WANT TO SEE!!!) went to the sky garden on the 12th floor, it was quite high already lah! the flats are so cool! they look like condominiums O: aye, anyways, although we werent very productive, but mm, i think we somehow managed to push and jostle each other along the way to do work with each others' presence! haha! her baby/toddler photos look 99% like her! just like a miniature version.

i'll write about reasons why you're wierd next time after i think about it okay! :D

other stoopid/silly/pea-brain stuff that happened...
1. i thought sana course was this tuesday and i went all the way to sengkang ._. and realised the course is next tuesday! rah rah rah! hahahah but the best part is i called at least a thousand people and no one picked up my calls ): i guess nobody wakes up early during holidays!
note to self- write neatly on the calendar next time so the stuff dont sprawl all over the dates, and please be less doo-doo brained ): (:

2. i forgot about piano today ._. cos i had no idea that today was thursday ._. i think the only day which i know is sunday, cos we go down to church! (: yours truly is going to babysit for one hour as a forfeit! :D the kids are so cute! (:

speaking of church, i hope my cousin will keep to her promise to join us at service this sunday!! my cousin's quite cool about christianity; she went to church last christmas and she's okay with a leather-bound bible for her birthday present! (she readsflips through it once a year... or less, though) but you know, you dont go to heaven by not opposing christianity. ._. i think at some point or later in all our lives, we have to stop and think and question. whatever the truth we discover (though there's only one truth in reality), we need to stop wandering and plondering about in lukewarm waters!

i rest assured that i'll go to heaven after i die! i cant wait to see God and ask Him questions! and it'll be so cool if we can take a tour around the universe! :D i wanna ask Him why He created mosquitoes! i dont see a point in them ._. haha! (:

for YD (youth discipleship.. it's something like cell groups/bible study), we're doing God and Science now! it's quite insightful learning about it, but all the theories are quite silly! (im sorry!) still, whichever you choose to believe, dont believe in something for the sake of opposing the other, step out, think, bang on your own heart (Jesus is knocking on the door of your heart now, btw!) then step in! :D

sorry if i sound incoherent O: ahahah i cant think of what else to say alr! (:
i.. still have alot of work to do ): sigh!
though this holiday is really quite crappy cos we've so much work to do! but still, thank God that i get to sleep in, at least! :D

okay shall go do work now :D byebye (:

six year old breakdancer- jalen testerman :D

just discovered this really cool function on youtube, which posts videos directly! :D

here's jalen testerman, a six-year old breakdancer, he's so cute! :D

i love ellen degeneres! :D

alrighty bye bye [;

thank God :D

thank God for...

1. electricity!
there was no electricity at home few days ago, cos they were changing the meter. gooseness! it was crazy! was feeling sick that day, and mom had to go out to teach. there was no fan and the weather was insanely humid D: the clever me decided to shower to cool down! and there was no water heater! so i was freezing like a penguin (hahah sorry, random animal :D)! aye, thank God for electricity! let's remember to be thankful for all these little things in our daily lives which have become a norm we forget to give thanks. thank God!

2. fine weather! company outing to west coast! there was a mini drizzle at first, but the weather was great after that! thank God for super duper seniors and for all that fun! enjoyed myself thoroughly and i think i became closer to sparrow juniors! :D thank God for great juniors too! got to sweat it out :D (but er, i doubt we lost any calories at all cos of picnic O:) anyway! hahah played touch rugby for the first time, it's so cool lah >D i think jean must have died explaining the instructions. soccer was fun! i like soccer :D heh! should have more sports stuff together next time! :D

3. chem e-car!
this is slightly overdue, but still, thank God! prayed and prayed and prayed... and prayed. thank God that mrs lai brought her laptop, so we knew what was the right amount of vinegar and baking soda to add! even in the craziest circumstances, our car still managed to go through, round after round :D thank God for great teammates! :D qingying, cherynn, caijing (our shaker person!), yenmy! i suppose nanyang became public enemy, cos we won alot of stuff at the end of the day.. but still, yay! :D wilson (shucks what's his surname O:) was there that day too, and goose, he's so tall! D<


the team :D

4. every single person and thing! i can only say, i feel extremely blessed. im in an extremely high mood now (you may have noticed), feeling so loved and joyful and thankful. thinking of warm and fuzzy stuff makes you feel warm and fuzzy all over :D

PLUS... HAPPY 16TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY, DADDY AND MUMMY! I LOVE YOU TWO, MUCH AS YOU LOVE ME TOO! THANK YOU FOR GETTING MARRIED AND FOR BEING MY DADDY AND MUMMY :)



DO YOU SEE WHY IM SO ADOABLE! :D


CHINWEN, SUATTENG, HUIER, JUNE, EVIE, KAHMUN, HUIMIN.. (i hope i didnt miss out anyone!) (i dont think you'll see this in time, it's okay :)) you've all worked so hard and long for this camp/ competition! just put in your best effort and enjoy yourself! we're all brimming with confidence that y'all will do great! (so you need to have confidence in yourselves too!) whatever the outcome, nanyang guides are behind you all the way. WE LOVE YOU!


kay that's about it for now :D


GLADYS, hows your wound! need to chop your leg off! O: (hahhah i love you :D)


ABBY i shall pretend i didnt see the hyperlink! haha! AYE, kay lah, will do it when i have time okay! i am a deep person?!?! O: [x!


SOTONG HEH PROMISE WE'LL KEEP IN CONTACT EVEN WHEN WE'RE OLD! YOU CAN BE THE LITTLE SOTONG'S GODMUM! lovelove :D


ZIAI ohmytian! i went to the website! it's O: O: O: ! hahahah hmm, maybe i'll watch ming zhong at year end lah :D heard pretty good comments bout the show dey!


WENJUN- JIEJIE YOU'RE IN LONDON NOW ): BOO!


YANQUAN :) back! hehheh ohman so exciting this sunday! :D


VANESSA i'll email ya the photos sometime this coming week okay! :)


MISS TAN heh, i just emailed you! :D


EVIE hokey pokey i'll sort the links... soon... :D


okay im done! yay thank God that im happy, kicking and alive and posting this post now! oh, mummy just extracted her wisdom tooth ytd O: haha! random ._.


hokey pokey, addios! <3


i feel blessed, do you?

:D

wow i cant believe im doing this ._. stoopid april cheung ._. ._. ._.

1) At what age do you wish to marry?
er, 26?! haha!

2) How many children do you want?
hahahahh this was april's answer, "No! *think of the sickening 9 months, birth-giving pain, stretched stomach, stretch marks, noisy little monsters and great load of responsibility* >< or…2 max - 1 elder son + 1 younger daughter."
i want six kids! maybe more! or maybe four! aye, definitely not one! the perils of being the only child... *sorrowful melody plays* oh my, you know i read this article yesterday about this 40+ woman who's expecting her 18th child! so cool! :D i can imagine you staring at the screen going, "WHAAT?!" haha! i love little kids!

3) What I want the most now?
i dont know!

4) What are your future plans?
God holds my tommorrow :)
but honestly, i live on a day-to-day... no wait, minute-to-minute basis. ._. cherish the present!

5) If you can have 1 more dream to come true, what will it be?
that my friends and relatives will come to hear of Jesus and accept His unconditional love!

6) What are you afraid to lose now?
my grandma.

7) Do you believe in being loved forever?
yes! He is Alpha & Omega, the beginning and the end.. and so is His love! :D it's amazing. i wouldnt be able to love myself that long too.

8 ) From the first letter of your name, what would the letter best describe you?
X-traordinary. hyeh! :D (sorry, X is a difficult alphabet!)

9) How strong(in your heart) can you be?
my heart is quite fragile, honestly. (aye, and im super gullible! D<) but Christ strengthens me. honestly, He kept/keeps me going when im super tired and on the brink of physical/mental death :D

10) What are the requirements that you wish from other half?
christian, non-smoking guy :D

11) Which type of person you hate most?
"thou shalt not hate."
note to self: i need to stop using the word 'hate' :D

12) Do you cherish every single of your friendship?
definitely. thank God! :D


13) Do you believe in God?
yes.

14) What do you think is most important thing in your life?
to be a living testimony!
im trying.. slowly.. help me, Lord!

15) Do you find it necessary for you to have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
nope! :D

16) What do you want your friend to be like?
nil.

17) What kind of friend do you hope to be in your friends’ eyes?
someone different, someone who can be there to bring cheer and strength! :D haha! hopefully, hopefully.. im trying!

18 ) If you have a change, which part of your character would you like to change?
be less procastinative (is there such a word!) and less easily distracted! :D

19) If you’re feeling low one day, who will you go to?
God.

20) Do you believe in patching up?
yes! :D

Instructions:
Remove one question from above, and add in your personal question to make it a total of 20 questions. Then tag 8 people in your links them out at the end of the post. Notify them through their chat box that he/she has been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

ahahahhaah anything la :D

eh i've a lot of things to say! but dont feel like posting anymore :D
next time! need to straighten out my thoughts. haha!
shucks i keep haha!-ing ._.
anyway, i shall go and do work now! there is a lot of work to be done, but time is sprinting away at a record-speed. ):

happy holidays!