Attempted to change the blogskin, didn't work out; will try another day. 'Ve got quite enough of html codes for a while. I am sooooooooo proud of the PSL site, hahaha! Died playing around with the navigational codes. Will leave it to the juniors to unveil lol. (STEPH, YOU.) Which is why sunbeamm's never navigational; am more for the minimalist-esque one-look-view-all layout.
Anyways, the point of this post is to rant.. I miss life.
Weird yes, but yes.
Not that 'm no longer alive and living, but that.. I don't know. I'm not sure if you're feeling the same way too, but this holiday has been.. strange.
A realisation hit me a while ago that this holiday has been one without an identity. It sucks man. And I've come to realise that roles and responsibilities are draining, stressful, tiring.. but they're also fulfilling and assuring. Point is, we're standing at the crossroads of a milestone in life. (Milestone? Yeah, I think it's a milestone anyway, the whole moving-over-to-JC thing.) (I think I'm having some sorta identity crisis crap, but..) It's like, this graduation's stripped any and every identity. Sec 4 no longer, 410-er no longer, CL no longer, NY girl no longer.. And being clueless about what's to come doesn't help. I suppose it's the whole graduation, moving on, letting go shiaz. (AHA! I JUST KILLED A MOSQUITO!) Yes "Once a Nanyang girl, always a Nanyang girl." But still. It's no longer the corridor that you hang out with with your friends, it's now, used to hang out with; neither is it the canteen that you have recess at, it's past tense too.
Okay I think things will be okay when the new school comes along and stuff.
Sidenote-wise, a bunch of us went back on Day 1 and my, there've been changes aplenty. Some good ones, mostly not-so-good ones. It was nice talking to Miss Teo and catching up and stuff (: I hope Miss Teo stays for quite a while, she's... awesome. (: Anyhow, the canteen vendor's changed. The iced milo's nice though 8) Not quite sure about the food, since we went for the familiar Asian D. And Steph said that there's only one recess now hahaha. Anyway we're out.
Er I can't remember what was supposed to come after the sidenote. Aiyah anyway.. The holidays are officially ending in 10 days' time. 10 days till the vroom-vroom fast and furious year ahead. For me, the year officially starts only when school starts. The feeling towards JC life now is apprehension; 've been chatting with a few people about what's to come and stuff. I like honest, raw conversations with depth (: They get things out of your system, give you assurance and make you feel like you're not really alone. So, thank you, to each of you who've given time for those nice and warm (sometimes brutally honest) conversations (:
I hate the feeling of sleeping so much and waking up so tired. What is the right way to rest/sleep?! I keep sleeping and sleeping and resting and zzz-ing, but the tiredness/exhaustion just does not go away! Urgh. I need to use the remaining time to seriously charge up and rest enough for the year and find the proper means to rest. My dreams have been... - -" these days. I have this weird dream problem, which has been bugging for a long, long time. Dreams used to be about mundane everyday stuff, but the dreams which I've had the past few days.. Woah! The weirdest one was this one, where I dreamt that my family moved into this BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG palace-like house. It was all marble-floored, high-ceiling, gold and wood palace-y. AND THEN, the next day, there was this MEET THE FANS SESSION, AND THEN LEE MIN HO APPEARED IN MY DREAMS - -" (Wahpiang ridiculous.) And apparently he took a break from the crowded, screaming pool of fans and came over to the palace to rest - -"
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
And then there was another dream where I some Bomb Squad person -______________- And I de-activiated a bomb. :D It was damn jing zhang, like some action movie! And I WAS THE HERO :D Hahahahahahhaha!
This post is so pointless. Teo, am I entertaining you yet. (Haven't caught up with you in a looooong while..)
I miss Nanyang. I miss my juniors. I miss the classmates, the teachers, the canteen aunties, the random outdated posters along the corridors.. I miss.. Ack.
Thank God for technology, at least we still have access to what's going on through the school website, weareo-n-e, blogs etc. Just visited the various gmail accounts and the company blog (: Kinda cool how much memories they hold 8) Roosterice gmail been laid to rest, 'd suppose; I miss the random conversational emails we had inside.
I miss my juniors a lot. A lot, a lot. The Sec 3s, no Sec 4s, have grown so much in the past span of time. All the uncertainty we've had in the past are now dusted to the ground. Their batch has become a pretty special one, and it's so warm to see 'em encouraging each other and pulling each other along. They've given me a lesson... that all it takes is a little faith and trust, and letting go, and that everyone deserves a chance to prove. To my Sec 3s, (sorry you'll always be my Sec 3s (; ) here's an apology for ever doubting your batch. Keep on going like you've been all this while, keep improving and grow in strength and be the example as how you want your juniors to be. Respect your Guiders, and go for PGA! Love (:
Anddddddddd the Sec 1s' (argh no, Sec 2s already) notebook of notes made me cry and smile and laugh and cry. Your notebook, my juniors! The one all of you gave at Farewell'09! My heart melted into a puddle of warm milk and chocolate cookies flipping through the book. And then I read it again and again and again.. And smiled and teared and laughed and.. Sigh (: Haven't thanked you all yet- So thank you, you guys. It really means a lot. Each and every note in the book.
My desktop picture is currently.. the whole bunch of juniors taken during Sports Fiesta. They look so happy (:
Sorry people-at-the-top, your faces got chopped! ._.
Okay this whole post's a huge mish-mash. I don't think I sound like my usual self, but ack. Pardon the flurry of emotions and mushy-fuzzy. New year resolutions soon.
Till then.
Random stuff:
- Cut my hair. The one-year thing.. haha (: Anyways no more ah-lian streaks, finally. It's looking a tad more girly.. Hello, Hwachong boys.
- Received PGA photo from the Istana today!! (Thanks for collecting, Sarah!) Omg it's so coooool 8) The President wrote stuff on it! (I think it's written by him, it has his signature :D) (His handwriting is good! :D) I shall write a nice letter to him one day (: Mr Nathan was really really nice and warm at the Award Ceremony.
- I am getting hooked onto the funny 7pm show on Channel U! (Okay maybe funny's not the word.) The one about the wife taking revenge! It's so... drama. 8)
- ‘Ve been thinking… (quite seriously) How will the 2012-end-of-the-world saga believers feel when they wake up on 1st January 2013? This thought’s been bothering me quite a bit. Anyway. - -”
- [/edit] OH YES! I CHANGED MY EMAIL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FAREWELL, DOG DOG. (WHAT WAS I THINKING IN PRI 3 ): ) xiaoen.leee@gmail.com; if you were on dog dog's contact list, you should've been imported over already (: Yessssssssssss, finally. 8)
Shall end off quoting Steph's blog. For archival, to read when things get tough.
It makes a whole lotta sense, is so true, and brought a smile to face.
"Keep telling myself focus focus and then I feel so happy when I strike something off my handbook (: ... It pays to have an open heart towards things, be it work, orientation or friends (: Work's making the days tiring but then I think all the laughters around makes it feel so worth it :D ... shall keep the optimism and preserve the smile (: "
Cheers to a new beginning.
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