Slain.

How deep the Father's love for us 

How vast beyond all measure 

That He should give His only Son 

And make a wretch His treasure 

How great the pain of searing loss 

The Father turns His face away 

As wounds which mar the Chosen One 

Bring many sons to glory 

Behold the man upon the cross 

My sin upon His shoulder 

Ashamed I hear my mocking voice 

Call out among the scoffers 

It was my sin that held Him there 

Until it was accomplished 

His dying breath has brought me life 

I know that it is finished 

I will not boast in anything 

No gifts, no power, no wisdom 

But I will boast in Jesus Christ 

His death and resurrection 

Why should I gain from His reward 

I cannot give an answer 

But this I know with all my heart 

His wounds have paid my ransom

Why should I gain from His reward 

I cannot give an answer 

But this I know with all my heart 

His wounds have paid my ransom

I grew up in a christian home. From young I've always sang about this 'Jesus' in sunday school. And praying to a God who listens to you was something natural that I never really thought much about. 

And that's the danger of growing up in a christian home. With time, you assume yourself to be a christian. In primary school, when people asked about religion, I naturally answered them, "Christian". There wasn't much to doubt. It was, perhaps, habitual. Something that I assumed. And that's how it is for most of us. We assume our parents' faith, if any - be it buddhism or christianity - as our own. 'Cos that's the way we've always been brought up in. And everything becomes habitual and very much a part of our lives, from young.

Read this book a few years ago, about 'church kids' - and how many of us really understand the message of the gospel and make the faith our own. The danger of assumption and not truly questioning... 

I think questioning's important. I don't question enough. I'm one of those who sponge up information like, well, a sponge. With not much internal processing. I listen. And seldom challenge stuff. I don't like presenting opinions. Unless they're things I feel strongly for or unless I have absolute confidence in something, like an area that I'm strong in - maybe leading stuff or planning events and stuff - otherwise I keep quiet. That's probably why my learning ability is severely impaired in class. There's not much internalising process and generating the info into my own knowledge.

Okay I lost my train of thoughts. But anyhow. 

There was a period of time when I really trying to figure my way around stuff. It came with growing up I think. But I was really doubtful of everything. Religion takes a lot of faith. Christianity takes a lot a lot of faith. It's too... simple. It is a Man who died on the cross to pardon us of our sins, so that we may not need to endure punishment, but have eternal life in heaven in the future. 

There's no pardoning based on merit or good deed or how you're like as a person. We're equal. It's just impossible to fathom how great someone's love can be for us, to go through atrocious capital torture and punishment. Forsaken by the Father, so that man need no longer be forsaken. 

I think to people who hold no religion or who aren't christians, all of this just sounds really strange and silly. And all religious and... religious. But you've no idea how real it is to me, and to everyone else who does, and what strength and joy I draw when some things become very real in life. I'm thankful for my faith. Faith is very hard to fathom. But it is very real. Always get people asking me what kind of happy pill I take to be so retarded and cheerful all the time. My joy comes from the Lord. (:

It's difficult to understand something like this, but I just hope that you will take time to question too. Question the thing most unquestionable and unfathomable and go get some answers. Life. For me - for christians - life is more than this one life itself. It's more than that. It's worth thinking about, I think.

I am a Christian, a child of God (: Christ died on the cross for my sins. It's something that I'll try very hard to understand but will never ever fully truly get. He died for all of us. 

He died for you, too. He's real.

Blessed Good Friday.

Owwwww.............

Aloha!

It has been really really crazy these few days/weeks, I am getting a little flustered and panic-ky. It is really incredible how people just seem to be able to manage everything AND still get enough sleep AND study AND do their tutorials AND follow in lessons. Everyone else seems so zen and totally in control I really wanna know how they do it man!

Training's been stepping up these past weeks. PT's... trying. The number 15 still scares the crap outta us. It used to be 15 minute sprint-jog interval. Now it's 15 min stairs. I hate the stairs! Really lousy at it. I think I'm not strong enough mentally. Sam's really cool when she's at it. Like, the fire really burns in her and you can see her on flames doing her thing man. Need that strength on court!! Saturday's training was quite bad at certain parts. Really allowed stuff to get the better of me. Could hear the teammates cheering on at the sideboards but it was really difficult and horrible to miss one shot after another. I really don't know what the problem is. Like, I really, really see the ball coming. And I think I've got it right on my blade but it misses completely. And I'm standing right in front of the goal! It's awful. Will train hard to get in the game. I want to put in goals for the team in A div! Every goal counts really really want to go in there and make some statement. A huge statement. Dark horses? Bring it on!! It's always more fun to see the underdogs win.

7 days left to get in the game. I'm excited. I'm scared, nonetheless. But I'm excited. 'Cos nobody's going in there alone. We've got the team, the teammates. And we've got Coach! Coach makes us do crazy stuff but they're for our good. He's an awfully awesome Coach. We're always lamenting the fact that he started training us so late. But better late than never anyway. And when we leave in the middle of the year, the juniors will be in good hands. J1 team's gonna be strong man. And N says they have better attitude than us. Meh. Hahaha.

Okay chow going off to do some work! Emcee audition today went quite okay! The guy remembered me. Pleasantly surprised. Really enjoy emceeing. It's fun. Hello if you're reading this please feel free to ask me to emcee your weddings in the future next time. I'll gladly eat free food too. Except the shark's fin. Don't serve shark's fin at your weddings. It's unethical.

Which reminds me - not that it's related but anyway - there's this walk-around-school-barefoot event on 26 May or smth in school! Looks cool. Saw the event on Facebook. Which is a very good platform to stalk people. But cannot be exploited to its full potential when you ain't got no account. But that's besides the point. Yeah. It looks quite cool man hahahaha. Barefoot walking around school. So homely! Hahahaha! They should get teachers to join in too. That'll be cool.

Okay I could go on ranting about absolutely random stuff but hahahaha adios.

Need to catch up with ten thousand people!

And before I forget,

Happy birthday, Cherynn Tan Xue Ying and Choo HuiEr (sorry I forgot 'bout yours yesterday (: ).

You guys are very, very special friends. 

Just so you know (:

Have a great birthday and eighteenth year! (: 

We're all growing up so fast we don't even know it. 

But hey, here's to our friendship and attending-each-other's-weddings-next-time 

(and probably spilling out all the secrets and stupid stuff from our days in NY...) (Hmmm...)

Sheng ri kuai le.

(:

Used this photo before but who cares.

(Okay. I admit. I couldn't find another one ._.) (Hehe.)

Let's go out soon! (:

You're stronger than you really think.

Keep. Holding. On.

Praying daily to surrender it all to Him - His strength sustains, definitely not my own!

Anyway, so many seem down and out recently. Cheerrrrrrup! (: You think you're alone in all your struggles and troubles and worries and horrible nonsense because everything in life just seems to be crashing down on you and screwing up and messed up...

You're not.


I guess everyone goes through his/her own private struggles and trials... and we all have our rough patches and tough times... And the inadequate feeling? Who hasn't felt it before. Ain't no matter how terrible you feel... like you're the undisputed champion of inadequacy.

Inadequacy. Hate that feeling. I don't think anyone can ever be completely inadequate... really. That's how I feel, at least. It's just... society.

Society defines you as a student - whether you are a straight A or complete, utter failure who cannot study. It defines you by your grades, your looks, your achievements, your merits, your qualities... it judges you by your weaknesses, your failures, your inadequacies.

Society's wrong. You're worth more than your definition.


The only definition that can stand every test of time is that we are human. Bound to fail, to sin, err, to fall, to lose, to underperform, to crumble and crash. And that's when the second part of the definition comes in. We are His children. Saved by an act of complete sacrifice when one Man died on that tree.

Thank God for... grace. And the strength and hope and belief and conviction that follow.

It's Friday (:



Dear all-of-you-who-really-could-do-with-a-little-boost-right now: You're loved (:

Things to thank God for (: April 11.

Shall post a series of 'Things to thank God for' (: Reminder of the little blessings He gives each day!


1. Two functional legs and a functional lung to run all the way from the college bus stop, past the college canteen, past left and right wings, up the slope, and down the terraces to make it in line just in time for the bell.

Made it just in time for morning assembly today! Thought there'd be no combined flag-raising 'cos the sky was overcast and blindly followed some J1s to the college side (what was I thinking ._.) when I could've walked straight to the terraces from the bus stop. Ended up having to runnnnnnnnn like some wayward student all the way to high school! Madness! But I made it! Met Chaoqun who was also frantically running towards high school. Rather amazed at how he'd managed to recognise me at the start of school. It's been years since Kuo Chuan days. Still, thank God for legs! I think floorball training's increased my running speed/endurance to run for buses (almost every morning) and stuff like this.

On that note too, the weather is a bit funny these days. Sometimes it pours, at other times it's crazy hot and humid! Ended up sweating like a sweating cow the entire morning! 

2. Bearable Monday lessons! And friends who make 'em bearable!

Lit was craaaaaaaaazy today hahahahhaha. Was kinda fallin' asleep in the middle but the 'Swineherd' poem got the whole class all cracked up and mad. Mrs J didn't know whether to explode from laughter or exasperation too. 'Twas rather fun. Watched a video in Physical Geog! I think videos are really useful teaching tools. I think I'll want to show my students lots of videos next time, hahaha. They're interesting and they teach stuff that students understand and remember! And I think learning Geography is the most wonderful decision I've made in my schooling life. I like Geography. 

3. Awesome seniors who are beyond awesome.

Thank God for Sarah and Nicole (and Chou) who come back to train the J1s! Seniors just have this special thing about 'em, y'know. They're just cool. I think this is applicable to most juniors. It's a cyclical thing. Juniors think their seniors are cool, and the seniors have seniors whom they think are cool too. Like a revolution that goes on and on and on... Anw, 'twas pretty cool with the whistle and all today. Made the training more... training-ish. Hah! Hope they're alive at their own night training right now... Anw I know you're seeing N - can't say this enough - but thanks again (: And stop acting like a junior everytime the juniors greet you guys.

4. Juniors who are new but are willing to learn and pick up skills and run their lungs out.

The J1 girls are rather nice; I do like them pretty much! Still have trouble remembering their names and settling all the admin nonsense though... But I think the junior team will integrate with time. A bit apprehensive about 'em coming to watch our first match but am actually quite overwhelmed by their enthusiasm and readiness to come down and support our first match. Looking forward to the senior-and-junior-team gathering after Nats! But yes. Hopefully they'll get together and team-mify with time and train hard for the team and for their batch's Nats next year in 2012. Wow. 

Ookay, off to do work. Finally sorted out all the admin stuff to do just now. Really can't manage these administrative matters well. Thank God for teammates and juniors who can. Hah. And super efficiently and productively too, I must add! 

Oh YF on Saturday was a really meaningful time of Bible study. Really appreciate the little slot of time every week for the group to come together and share about our week and prayer requests and just pray with and for each other. It really brings the group closer together and establishes real relationships within the group, where we can support one another in prayer. Prayer really is a most wonderful thing. The sunday school teachers came together on Sunday to pray together too. It was rather uplifting.

Here's to the dawn of another Terrible Tuesday! Just need to keep telling myself that once the Tuesday passes the week will get better... Training tomorrow! We're 2 weeks from the VJ match. Am rather excited about everything upcoming! Looking forward to training tomorrow. We're seeing marked improvements in terms of team play on court. We can do better! 

Adieu.

Oh. Random cute puppy picture again! Look at this little fella!

And cute puppy pictures are a rather good way to end a post. 

Dear sky,

Dear sky, please quickly finish raining so that the clouds can cheer up a little. And please bring the blue sky (a rainbow would be nice too) back when you're done! Thanks!

The sky is so gloomy and awful! I don't like it! ): Perfect weather to snuggle in a blanket and in bed. A cuppa hot chocolate would be ideal. With marshmallow and chocolate sauce.

Mmm...

But dear God, thank you for the rain. For life. Though it's really rather gloomy and sad, plus the rain gets in the way of things, but thank You for being in control of it all!

Maaaaan I want hot chocolate....

Captivate this heart of mine/ Till I do speaks of You.

As a sheep before the shearer 
You were silent in Your pain; 

You endured humiliation 

At the hands of those You’d made. 

And as hell unleashed its fury 

You were lifted on a tree, 

Crying ‘Father God, forgive them, 

Place their punishment on Me.’

Feel the wind in your face.

'Ve got stuff to post but 'm going off to sleeeeeeeeeeeep! Weekends are here! (:

Sunny days are here.

There's tons of work to do but I'm feeling kinda chirpy and sleepy. So there. HAHA.

Thank God for every day! No matter how tiring/ sleepy (I've been dozing off in soooooo many lessons...)/ exhausting, there's always something to thank God for every day (: Especially so for friends - classmates, teammates, church friends, old pals, teachers who care, family who cares - and for little things which really remind me that He is God and He is control.

Sometimes I really feel like my life is freaking screwed up and spiralling out of control. I think we all get days like that sometimes! But reading devotions and verses and passages really speak straight in the face sometimes, and suddenly things are put into perspective/ perspectives are changed.

Training has been intense man! I really feel so awkward and weak and inadequate at times. It's really crappy. And people keep thinking I am stronger than I really am! And I want to believe that too! But I really do let my mental get the better of me. And I really need to run so much faster and be so much stronger! *insert lion roaring here* *battle trumpets sound* On another note though, our team's growing closer and stronger and better. Love little moments and chats with teammates! Today's game was good. We put in three consecutive goals and I scored one! Shoooooooooosh the feeling of putting in a goal feels goooooooood! I seriously need to panic less and get better ball control so that I don't lose the ball in the most nonsensical moments! I hate it when the ball rolls past my blade or when the little girls shove me aside and ROB MY POSSESSION! *stomps foot*

ROAR!

Anyway! We're 18 days away from our first match! Training's gaining momentum. Really want to give VJ a run for their money! Run for their moneh... Fight hard for at least a draw! Our first match! ROAR! 18 days 18 days 18 days.

Tomorrow is Friday, Friday...

Friday's are crappy because we have 4-hour tutorial marathons... But tuesdays are worse! Tuesdays are horrible!

Wah the American idol on telly is disrupting my thoughts. Cannot post properly. Shoosh I really cannot multi-task! Today's cross-passing with two balls simultaneous was crazy! My passing went OOC! And I really need to work on passing! Relay passing was bad. Fatigue got the better of me. Sorry guys! And my blade is dying! Argh! Should I change blade or get a new stick! But I just changed my grip! I don't like the feeling of a thin thin dying blade because it feels really weird! And somehow the shots/passes are kinda affected!

Speaking of American idol, though, SCOTTY FOR THE WIN! *waves and nods approvingly and swoons and fangirls rather excitedly* But the judges are like, not judging. Argh. All three judges just seem to go with the screaming crowds and shower praise after praise after praise to every contestant. I bet Simon's sittin' on his couch at home watching the show on TV and shaking his head in utter disapproval! I miss Simon Cowell! Man. The show's just so different without him. Maybe they'll make him a surprise guest judge on the finals or smth! That'll be cool!

America's Next Top Model cycle 15's showing on Channel 5 later.

Okay off to do my work! Yay today's been a rather chirpy day! Thank God for Life (: And 2.4 and Math Consult! Rather accomplish-ing feeling. Oh oh oh! And I got a sticker for my Lit paper 5 Q1 essay! Hahahahahaha! Wah first time. Super awesome! On a sidenote, Lit paper 5 makes me think about and question about stuff. Like, maybe I'll just stay unmarried my whole life and not conform to patriarchal conventions and norms. The whole subversion of female stereotype thing you know. I do think I have an inner feminist. HAHAHA! Literature makes people think about stuff.

Got so much more to ramble on about but here's for now!

Keep. Praying.

Chowwwwwwwwwww.

MORE VEGGIETALES :D :D :D

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.
Veggietales is awsum! :D

This song's about... bellybuttons :D HAHAHAHAAHA! There's even a bellybutton rap in the middle. Haha!  <:)

Dawn of another Terrible Tuesday ): Really don't like Tuesday timetables! ):

Meh. Have a great week guys (:

Bruno Mars & Larry the Cucumber.

Went to youtube the song after hearing it with Jem and Lydia in the car on Thursday - Marry You by Bruno Mars - it's a really nice song, but... it's so wrong! There's so much perpetuating of all these values and messages in pop culture today... it's so sad.

It's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.
...
I'll go get a ring let the choir bells sing like oooh,
So whatcha wanna do?
Let's just run girl.
If we wake up and you wanna break up that's cool.
No, I won't blame you;
It was fun girl.

Divorce should never, ever be an option. At all. Does Bruno think marriage is some game or what? Stupid stupid song! But it's a very listen-able song. Considering how I listen to songs without really taking in what the songs're actually singing. Bruno Mars is pretty good. But marriage seriously isn't a game.

I'm going back to Veggietales anyway... Silly songs with Larry <:) Here's a Veggietale song for yall! Larry the cucumber is hilarious oh man HAHAHAHA.

LISTEN TO THE SONG IT'S HILARIOUS :D VEGGIETALES IS AWESOME!

Oh wherrrrrrrrrrrrrrre is my hairbrush?

The weather has been acting up recently! It's so weird and hot and humid and hot and strange and rainy and weird. The sky looks like it's threatening to pour right now, but it's really warm and stuffy.

Anyway, the past while has been mainly school and training and other random stuff here and there. 23 days till A divisions! First match against VJC. The only match we can afford to lose, but the thought of possibly maybe winning them is really, really thrilling. Imagine if we win them!!! Wow. The boys have gotten their groupings too. Coach said that it's quite funny how life turns tables round sometimes. I agree. Hmm.

Oh the team pranked Coach yesterday. <:) Heh! We spent so long fussing about before training started. Quite fun. But the capt sorta spoiled the surprise and cut the pranks short and made everyone start warm-up drills properly... Yikes. But Coach was quite pleasantly surprised hahahahahaha. I think he thinks we're cute. We are. :D Love my teammates (: Some trainings are filled with these funny little moments that make us closer among ourselves and with Coach. Hah! And I think we're just pretty thoughtful la. All potential wonderful wives-to-be hahahahaha! And we always talk about us getting married next time and going to attend each others' weddings and lots of other nonsense. With people in their own bubbles saying the most random and nonsensical things at the strangest times and then everyone bursting into fits of laughter thereafter. Much fun :)

Coach got his revenge la. Whole team got owned. Except Tab and Yijie and I. *intellectual, beaming smile* Hahahahahahahaha! But it was a good one. Coach is goooooooood man. The sparkle and glint in his eyes gave it away tho! Hah! Eh but it was good. Wah the mood was really strange man HAHAHA. The whole team didn't dare to move. Tho Tab and I were laughing at the back. Dang someone should've video-ed that! But he gave us a water break after that hehe! *happy face* The chicken and tuna puff plus sushi must've played a bonus!

Anyway, Nationals are really coming round. It's a strange, butterfly-inducing sensation and feeling. There're a lot of thoughts that I'm keeping to myself, but we've less than one month to keep pushing through and get stronger. I really need to work on speed and stamina and technique and confidence! I know I'm dumping the ball and getting all pushed over on court but somehow it just becomes different once I get on! Darn... Needa quit dumping the ball all over the place! And work on shooting - why am I playing forward? - so that the ball hits the back of the net.

Back of net back of net back of net. Euphoria. Whistle blow. Come on come on come on!

'Ve been talking to some teammates recently too (: I like in-depth conversations! Very nice to talk to.

Okay going off for now! Veggietales is playing in my head now... HAHAHAHA. At least Friday's out of my head... It was playing the entire day yesterday... Oh and Council elections this coming week! All the best, Steph! (:

Chow.

Oh one more thing, haha. Mrs Jeffrey, yesterday - Xiaoen, why aren't you like this in class?
Ah well.

Have a grrrrrrrrreat weekend!

Chubby bunniez & Elliez

10A10

I think I'll look back next time at these very funny, strange, 

but rather wonderful two years with my class.

Oh and, 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOMMY.

 生曰快乐,

I love you (:

Putuhs.

-

-

Feeling so freaking frustrated and feeling so freaking frustrated that I am feeling so frustrated. Seriously, what am I supposed to do?

Argh.

And there's huge blister on my foot.

Yardsticks.

Different people have different yardsticks.

Three little ducks that I once knew, fat ones skinny ones two by two.

Really tired. ._. 

It's Saturday.

Anyway, random photos from a while back.

CNY 2011 (:

Semi-team photo. Tab's birthday!

(And our awesome cake.)

Emily of Emerald Hill, Esplanade, 10th March.

Genius. Thoroughly enjoyed the show.

Phyllis Ng (: Before Geog lecture. I think. 

AND PHYLLIS NG I FOUND THIS.

HAHAHAHA OR RATHER I JUST SAW THIS. ON FACEBOOK. 

Class gathering at Nat's, last year. Haha. My hair. (Y)

But the one little duck with the feather on his back, he ruled the others with a quack quack quack.

Auf Wiedersehen.

3:16

One day, King Solomon decided to teach a lesson to humble his most trusted minister, Benaiah ben Yehoyada.

He said to Benaiah, "Benaiah, there is a certain ring that I want you to bring to me. I wish to wear it for Sukkot which gives you six months to find it."

"If it exists anywhere on earth, your majesty," replied Benaiah, "I will find it and bring it to you, but what makes the ring so special?"

"It has magic powers," answered the king. "If a happy man looks at it, he becomes sad, and if a sad man looks at it, he becomes happy." Solomon knew that no such ring existed in the world, but he wished to give his minister a little taste of humility.

Spring passed and then summer, and still Benaiah had no idea where he could find the ring. On the night before Sukkot, he decided to take a walk in one of the poorest quarters of Jerusalem. He passed by a merchant who had begun to set out the day's wares on a shabby carpet. "Have you by any chance heard of a magic ring that makes a happy wearer forget his joy and the broken-hearted wearer forget his sorrows?" asked Benaiah.

He watched the grandfather take a plain gold ring from his carpet and engrave something on it. When Benaiah read the words on the ring, his face broke out in a wide smile.

That night the entire city welcomed in the holiday of Sukkot with great festivity. "Well, my friend," said Solomon, "have you found what I sent you after?" All the ministers laughed and Solomon himself smiled.

To everyone's surprise, Benaiah held up a small gold ring and declared, "Here it is, Your Majesty!" As soon as Solomon read the inscription, the smile vanished from his face. The jeweller had written three Hebrew letters on the gold band: _gimel, zayin, yud_, which began the words "_Gam zeh ya'avor_" -- "This too shall pass."

As he read, the king's sorrows turned to joy, and his joys to sorrow, and then both gave way to peace. The king was reminded in that moment that all his riches and glory were impermanent, and all his sorrows would pass away as the seasons and the years.

Indeed. And this, too, shall pass.

The message on Sunday really spoke to me, and roughed out some uncertainties that were rather unsettling. What a reminder, to be in the world but not of the world. That said, we do need to fulfil the duties and responsibilities that we have. But what remains more important is to keep our vision focused on the larger picture of Life - an eternity with Him.

An eternal YF camp! How's that! (:

Sorry for hurting You.

Pretty Big Shoes to put myself into.
I think I'd never comprehend.

People need the Lord.

Feeling so... frustrated now. All the reports of Japan's quakes keep pouring in. People missing, people dying, people's homes destroyed, lives destroyed... Sitting here right now feeling pretty anguish and frustrated that I can't seem to be able to do anything. At all.

In another part of the world, people are staging protests and violent demonstrations. Killings are going on, governments are being overthrown, places burnt down, smashed and destroyed...

What a world we live in, don't you think so?

Today's YF was a really meaningful time when all the small groups could come together and pray for different parts of the world. And for each other. Prayer... is so small, yet so great. It's like the littlest of things, but the difference one prayer can make could really mean the world.

Steve Green - People need the Lord

Everyday they pass me by,
I can see it in their eyes.
Empty people filled with care,
Headed who knows where?

On they go through private pain,
Living fear to fear.
Laughter hides their silent cries,
Only Jesus hears.

People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
At the end of broken dreams, He's the open door.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
When will we realize, people need the Lord?

We are called to take His light
To a world where wrong seems right.
What could be too great a cost
For sharing Life with one who's lost?

Through His love our hearts can feel
All the grief they bear.
They must hear the Words of Life
Only we can share.

People need the Lord, people need the Lord
At the end of broken dreams, He's the open door.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
When will we realize that we must give our lives,
For peo-ple need the Lord.

People need the Lord.

Now how shall we go on living our lives? ):
It's so heart-wrenching to think of all the destruction and turmoil going on. Sigh.

How much have we sinned... Sigh.
Lord, help us to keep our eyes focused on Your light and glory and grace. Only You can heal.

My favourite people (:

I love you, little baby Kath and Mama (:

I pray - every night - for you, little one, 

that you will grow up healthy and happy in Him, 

and that one day you too will come to know Him as your personal Lord; 

and Mama, 

that your heart will be opened to Christ's salvation and security one day.

Bluefin tuna & the Atlantic.

And So I Number My Points Again.

1. I've come to realise that how good or bad my day is is directly correlated to the timetable for the day, and the amount of sleep I get the night before.
2. Tuesdays are officially declared The Worst Day of the Five-day Work Week. Lessons are madness!
3. I didn't fall asleep in Econs lecture today! Was soooooooo tempted to.
4. OH OH OH. I TELL YOU. HAHAHAHAHA! :D (Refer to next point.)
5. Yknow, recently there's this trend of people getting all plugged in on their MP3s and iPods in public places and on public transport right? (Refer to next point.)
6. (Wah seriously. Everywhere, everyone is just zooked into their own little world.) (Refer to next point.)
7. Guess what's the trend that's newer than that? (Refer to next point.)
8. People SINGING in public while they're on their MP3s. 
9. (Y)
10. Wah seriously!!! I've been encountering more and more of them everywhere! And they sing real loudly! And it usually... okay shall just quote Randy, "a lil' pitchy, dawg." (Read: Off-key, bad singing.)
11. People being plugged in are just so sucked in their own little world! It's so sad, they don't get to hear the sounds and soak in the atmosphere/people-watch/car-watch. I'm awesome at people-watching/car-watching! Character trait of being an only child, hah. 8)
12. Training was good today! 
13. Wednesday timetables are awesome!
14. So are Thursdays'! 
15. Okay whatever. It's 12:20. I'm off to bed. :D
16. Oh! (: I didn't eat seaweed chicken today! Hahahaha! I had two pieces of french toast!
17. Oh. One more thing. I need to spend less money on food. ._. Seriously.

Kay chow. Off to bed. :D Wednesday is already brimming with positiveness and happiness and All Things Bubbly. There's gonna be a firedrill! Exciting :D

Adieu!

The conundrum of seaweed chicken.

Allow me to number my random thoughts once again... It's the most chronological way of typing, without chunky paragraphs.

1. The Bukit Timah Traffic is really getting from Bad to Really-Very-Bad. Is it just me, or is the traffic really, really atrocious?! Oh MRT, MRT, wherefore art thou 2016?
2. Successfully chasing the bus and getting a seat in the mornings make me feel like the rest of the day is conquerable. Like, anything is possible yknow. Hah! 
3. I need to stop eating seaweed chicken every single morning.
4. Eating 3 pieces of seaweed chicken every morning is going to clog up my arteries. 
5. But seaweed chicken is very nice.
6. I need to find a substitute for seaweed chicken for breakfast.
7. Breakfast is an important meal, guys! Eat your breakfast! Then you'll all grow tall and strong and clever (like mee!)
8. Ares faculty dance reeeeally looks good. I'm proud of my faculty! Congrats to Athena too, anyway!
9. Saw two daddies with their kids on the bus ride and way home today. They were so cute!
10. Daddies with their little kids are suuuuuuuuuuper sweet! I love how toddlers bear hug their dads! And their dads bear hugging their little ones. Fathers just seem to have a special way with their kids. Too precious!
11. Am pretty looking forward to Emily of Emerald Hill at Esplanade this Thurs! Just watched a few teaser videos. Pretty cool.
12. There're so many upcoming movies I wanna watch! Went a bit crazy watching movie trailers yesterday. Appreciate good films. (Y)
13. Looking forward to catch Black Swan soon! The King's Speech and Social Network were good movies. Congratulations to deserving Oscar winners!
14. Hanging out with Pam and Tab and teammies after school was funnnnnnnnn. Though calling up was really quite a bother - ended up getting kicked like a soccer ball once more - but, we'll work something out.
15. Spent the whole day daydreaming about the blogshop. Fingers crossed, hoping stuff works out. Heh! Funnnnnnnn. (Sarahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.)
16. There are no smiley faces in this post yet. Hah.
17. It's the last day of February! Here's to the season of springtime - complete with bouncy rabbits and dew-dappled daffodils - and block test. And comps!
18. Got. To. Train. Hard!
19. Etsy.com is awesome. Feel kinda inspired to work hard and earn money so I can indulge in all the awesome stuff, hah!
20. 2011 A-level schedule is out. Circulating somewhere on Facebook, I think...
21. A-level results on Friday... Xiaoen you need to study hard. Next year, your turn. Praying for seniors!
22. It's official. I've decided to keep my hair long. (Y) 
23. Though I really could go do something about the fringe. It's rather wishy-washy.
24. Cutting hair is therapeutic, though. Told N before, hah, that it makes me feel like I have a new lease in life. Hahaha!
25. I have a really bad habit of forgetting to reply SMSes. Especially if you send them to me when I'm sleeping. Sorry pals. I'm workin' on it! 
26. Okay 26 is a good number to end. Hehheh. Last day of Prelims on 26th September yooooohoooo! *insert hula dance* Guys mark that date down on your calendars! Important date. (Y) *wink*

Off to do work. Econs essay beckons.

Chow!

Seaweed chicken tomorrow? Hah. (:

Moo.

I'm back (: Hahahaha! :D For now.

Anyway... sorry for the uninspiring state of sunbeamm. It's a phase. There has been too much going on/nothing going on. Of which I rather keep my thoughts, for the former.

For those of you who've been regularly updating your blogs, thank you! :D It really gives me entertainment and inspiration to read about your lives and thoughts. Heh. Sans-Facebook. (: Pretty thought-provoking stuff too.

So... wao, it's been quite a while since I've made a substantial post. Allow me to number my (random) thoughts.

1. J1 juniors have come in. 
2. School canteen's ridiculously crowded at recess! 
3. Junior class is pretty interesting (: The girls are quite nice to talk to.
4. Team's gone through so many twists and turns and admin nonsense. So much's been going on.
5. Looking to settle things for the next 3 months by the end of this week. Need to confirm J1 junior girls as well.
6. Wao really 've gone through a lot. And I'm just... immensely thankful for His way of seeing us through all these. And for people He's put along the way too... They've been such a tremendous encouragement and help.
7. I can't wait for J2 year to be over!
8. My dad - "Hey, do you want an iPhone too?" (He just changed his phone.) Me - "Nah. I'll upgrade to an iPhone 5 at the end of the year. Thanks dad." Hah. <:)
9. I can blog a thousand and one random things/one-liners now. 
10. Sunbeamm has become a teeny tad too public. Might run off to a subtler sphere.
11. Is there such a word as subtler?
12. I... am considering dropping to H1 Lit.
13. I really, really, really can't wait for J2 year to be over.
14. Okay byee :D

Not very substantial, but better than nothing, heh. :D Will post my post-As plans soon. 'Ve got it all worked out, hahaha! :D Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr hang in there, guys. (Y)

"Be ye strong therefore, and let not your hands be weak: for your work shall be rewarded." 2 Chronicles 15:7

Need to work harder, manage better... and really surrender whatever's to come to Him and Him alone.

Chow. (I insist that chow is way cooler than ciao. Ciao just looks bimbotic.)

You can dance.

Everyone has their own set of standards and viewpoints. A thought worth pondering.
For now though, QT and daily devotions have been keeping me going.
Need a new gameplan. It's February.

My blog is on the brink of dying.

:D !

Yayyyyyyyy I love these instax thingy-s! They are so awesome!

Okay the end! :D My blog is evidently dying and I'm evidently leaving it to rot for a little while hahaha.

Meh. (:

(Sorry la, really got nothing to blog about.)

Adios!

新年快乐！

All taken from Phyllis'! (:

Semi-class photo! (:

Have a grrrrrrrrrreat new year, guys! (:
Good times - good food, laughter, family, playing, rest. Ang paos (:

Happy birthday, Tabitha Ang! Thank God for you! Love (:

-

Mao.

Random photos from here and there (: Posting for keepsake (:

At Bugis, at Christmas!

Papa :D

The photospam series with Vanessa J. Lum :D :D

Frizzy hair iz koooooool. 8)

:D

Need to catch up with the girl!

All from Phyllis' camera! Canon semi-pro. (Y)

Hwachong Open House 2011 (:

Tab (Ang), Phyllis (:

Your face super retarded please, Phyllis Ng.

TRAFFIC LIGHT! :D

Stop, look, go. :D

Debbie, Shaowen

Kathhhhhhhhhh (:

Look at her face! Seriously!

Singing to her. I think.

My little niece (:

Hehe. This has the honour of being the last photo (:

That silly girl - pacifier keeps dropping out of her mouth!

Salut!

And for the third day in a row...

Disney soundtrack "I see the light"

From the movie Tangled (Rapunzel) (:

RAPUNZEL:
All those days, watching from the windows
All those years, outside looking in
All that time, never even knowing
Just how blind I'd been

Now I'm here blinking in the starlight
Now I'm here, suddenly I see
Standing here, it's oh so clear
I'm where I'm meant to be

And at last I see the light, and it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light, and it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright, and the world has somehow shifted.
All at once, everything looks different, now that I see you.

FLYNN:
All those days, chasing down a daydream
All those years, living in a blur
All that time, never truly seeing
Things the way they were

Now she's here, shining in the starlight
Now she's here, suddenly I know
If she's here, it's crystal clear
I'm where I'm meant to go

RAPUNZEL and FLYNN:
And at last I see the light, and it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light, and it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright, and the world has somehow shifted.
All at once, everything is different, now that I see you.
Now that I see you.


Love love love Mandy and Zac's voices! Beautiful song (:

Sometimes, you think your problems are big.

Wait till you see others'.

Need to be so much more thankful and less forgetful of His abundant grace everyday.

Leavin' on a jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again.

I think... I'm growing up.

-_-

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. (insert one thousand smiley faces here)

MICHELLE KWAN!!! !!! !!!

If you don't know who Michelle Kwan is go knock yourself on the head! Knock! Now! 

Hahahhahaha then go google her please. And watch her on Youtube. Over and over and over again. :D

I've watched her videos so many times, gosh. The way she skates is just... ah. (:

AND I STOOD BESIDE HER! I STOOD BESIDE HER! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

*bounces* 

*camel spin x 500*

Ahahahahhahahaha. :D

/Edit - Eh. DYOU NOTICE SMTH. There's no gap between Michelle's head and mine! We were standing sooooo close! Hehe. 

The Day I saw Michelle Kwan in person. :D

So many things to thank God for.

The school week has started. And frankly, I am rather tired. Already.
Hahahaha it's only Day 3 oh dear me. But we'll press on, guys!

So many things have been happening. And I'm really just so immensely thankful that the training's settled. For now. Was really feeling so hopeless and helpless a few days ago after the talk with the er, higher beings. Don't know how combined trg will turn out for now, but... really just want to focus on training. And I really feel quite weak/useless on court. Don't want to feel that way anymore.

Anyway. It's nearing 1am. I promised someone I'll sleep by 1. So okay. Chop chop.

Open House today. Timely break from the first two days of school. (: I really got so annoyed at the start of the day. But argh. I guess it's just quite hurting/upsetting. But I do get rather negative vibes from the guys' team. Maybe I talk a tad too much? I don't know. Sigh.

Saw Steph and Gladys today (: And talked to so many people. It's a rather nice feeling to know that you've done something to make a difference in people's perception. Steph baked pineapple tarts, hah! I ate two. I'm still alive! Eh, the tarts not bad (: I love surprises/small random gifts! Really make any day a better one. (:

IP kids are coming in next week. We'll officially be seniors. My classmates are already plotting on how they're gonna make juniors sit on the floor while we conquer all three benches. - -" Ah well.

School tour was rather enjoyable! First time leading tours in Hwach. (: Got duped, tho. - -" Saw two guys hanging around and they asked for directions to the shooting range. Brought them to find the shooting team, only to find out that there isn't a range in college. Brought them on a tour instead. They told me they were Sec 4 SJI boys. But they looked really old. In dress shirts and pants. But they told me they were on internship. So yeah. Dress shirts and pants make most guys look older than they really are, anyway. Anw, to cut the long story short, just found out that they're both 20-year old med students from NUS next door who came over because they were bored. Rather interesting experience. Which only re-iterates the point that I'm a really trusting person.

I think I'll be one of those that'll get cheated of $10000 next time for a bag of apples or smth. Oh dear me.

Okay I need to sleep. I like my new highlighter! :D (Y)

Someone's birthday is coming up! :D It's too soon! January birthdays are really too early in the year man. All you January babies should shift your birthdays to another day. Really. Do consider my suggestion. (Y)

Ahahaha okay have a great week ahead! Adios. (:

AHHHH OH NO XIAOEN GO PACK THERMOMETER IN BAG NAO. OOHLA. :D

Goodbye (:

SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW!

WE ARE J2s!

Really overwhelmed with mixed feelings and nervousness now. Math test is making me feel so queasy in the stomach. I don't want to fail! But then...! Hai.

So many issues left to settle.

Really... need to have some faith and commit all my burdens and worries to Him. Too tiring to carry.
Today's message struck a chord.

I haven't made resolutions for 2011. Will do so when I get my homework diary!

Ah. I'm too nervous thinking about school now to type anything coherent.

Salut!

A dieu, A dieu.

"Then I turned around and saw the sky. It was red and all my life was in it.

...

I saw the orchirds and the stephanotis and the jasmine and the tree of life in flames. I saw the chandelier and the red carpet downstairs and the bamboos and the tree ferns, the fold ferns and the silver, and the soft green velvet of the moss on the garden wall. 

...

Now at last I know why I was brought here and what I have to do."

Wide Sargasso Sea Wide Sargasso Sea Wide Sargasso Sea Wide Sargasso Sea Wide Sargasso Sea Wide Sargasso Sea Wide Sargasso Sea Wide Sargasso Sea. 

I love Wide Sargasso Sea. 

Really.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahlalalalalalalalalalalala~

And so... Where do we go from here?

Training today. Was the last holiday training. Went quite alright. We ran. A lot. Quite. Actually maybe it wasn't that much. We ought to be running more.

We ought to be training real hard now. A divisions are in three months' time. We ought to have finalised our training schedule, have had a confirmed place to train in, have a coach who would push us and drive us to our limits and fight alongside with us, and a full team who is fully committed to deliver as a team.

But nothing is finalised! Nothing! I'm really so tired of trying to get around these issues. It's like you try and you try to make things right and settle them but however hard you try, you end up going full circle and you keep meeting dead ends and people don't seem to understand how freaking hard you're trying. I really wish the entire team was more... together. Having only half a team turning up for trainings really isn't working. But I really do love my team. The team who really is into the team, at least. When you really feel like your teammate's really into something... It really motivates and drives you to give whatever you've got too. And all the silly nonsense and so much fun and laughter that we have together. Gosh.

I think they don't understand how good our coach is and how much we need him and how hard it was for us to find a coach who could and would take us. And how much we want to prove our worth and how much we're willing to give to our cause.

We need to hunger for the goal as a team first. Before we can speak anything of anyone else who doesn't believe that we can.

I really, really hope things work out. I want to settle all these issues before our juniors come in.

Dear God, how now?

Edit/ On a sidenote, I really really reeeeeeeeeeally do like our new coach. He's such a good coach - we really can't afford to let him go.

Bandwagon.

Ahahahahahaha.

http://www.formspring.me/cheesetofu

The advent of the Internet - and the convenience it brings for anonymous, ninja-masked humans baring their inner selves behind the protection of their computer screens.

On a sidenote, trying out this formspring thing hahahaha. I got bored while doing work and created an account a while ago. Cheesetofu is such a funny alias, I like. Do go ahead and ask some questions! Afterall you could very much remain anonymous. Hah!

So long. (:

Today:

1. Climbed over a gate for the first time in my life... With Jolahine... Shhh.

2. PT. Team fitness really could improve a whole lot more... Four more months of uphill till we go out and fight some real battles.

3. Lunched with Ariel. Her mom treated us to Jap buffet. (: Great time of good food, catching up, laughing, telling secrets and just... talking as if we saw each other everyday. Best friends are not called best friends without reason man! Counting now and ... Woah we've known each other *drumroll please* 10 YEARS! Since P2... And that was in year 2000. A decade has passed. Things have changed, yet remain so very much the same. (:

Oh, and she told me in my face - "Eh! Can you wear some nice clothes anot ah? Everytime I see you you're in t-shirt and shorts one! Dress up la!" Best Friend is very girly and straight to the point. Quite the opposite and very different from me. Funny girl, she. Happily in love now. Tsk.

Tomorrow: Chalet and seniors' farewell! I... hope I don't cry? Not a fan of crying in front of others. But on another note, wow. Farewell. Tmrw. History. Take over. Juniors. Coming. Argh gosh I will miss the seniors. They've done so much. How are we ever going to thank them enough?

For now, though... School is starting! Argh! Stop whining and shut up Xiaoen. I don't want holidays to end T_T *runs away to a dark corner of the earth and turns into a caveman*

Oh yeah,
Happy new year (: 

Spent countdown in church, felt so at peace with myself and at peace with God; it's such an assuring thought to know that He's already got the 365 days ahead planned out for you and all you've got to do is to trust. Trust is a pretty big thing.

Okay I know this is lame but I shall end this post with two photos of cute beagle puppies hehe. Saw two beagles during our run today... I like! I want a dog! ): Keep whining to my mom but she says next time when I grow up I ownself buy.

Don't these little fellas make you smile. Okay adios. (: